Southwest Airlines rocks

Mike and I just got back from Columbus, Ohio for wedding #1 during our crazy, busy summer.  We flew Southwest Airlines...and I have to say, they really are the best way to fly.  Sure, I nearly died on Monday during a very turbulent flight (see earlier posts), but I still only paid $79 for my flight and I got a free drink.

Southwest has it figured out--they offer low-cost flights, their average turnaround time at the gate is 30 minutes versus the more typical hour and a half, and they are often voted number one for customer satisfaction.

And then there are the workers.....have you seen how stinkin' happy they are?

More often than not, Southwest flight attendants are laughing and smiling with their co-workers.  If you want a drink refill, no problem!  Or an extra bag of peanuts?  It's yours!  Besides the great customer satisfaction,  they are super funny.  Here are some real comments I've heard during Southwest flights...

"Welcome to Columbus, Ohio.  If you have a connecting flight, well, good luck catching that." (So true)

"If needed during a water evacuation, a life vest will drop down.  To inflate, pull on the cord.  If that doesn't work, blow into the tube.  If that still doesn't work, well.....good luck!"  (Ha!  That's a great way to make nervous fliers laugh)

"If cabin pressure drops, oxygen masks will drop down.  Please put yours on first, and then help your screaming husband."  (Love it)

"Please put on your oxygen mask first, and then help your child.  If you have more than one child, pick the one with the most potential."  (Okay, that made me pee a little bit.  Funny!)

Southwest-keep doing what you're doing, because you're way better than any other airline.

People Need to Quit with the Lawsuits

Why are we so lawsuit crazy?  Seriously people, stop acting dumb.  A Michigan woman is suing United Airlines after she fell asleep on her flight, apparently didn't wake up when it landed, and was left on board for a few hours.  When Ginger McGuire woke up and realized what happened, she "paced the aisle for about 15 minutes when the locked door opened" and police asked to see her I.D.  She claims is was "horrifying" and is now asking for up to $75,000 for emotional distress, negligence, breach of contract and false imprisonment. Seriously?  False imprisonment?  Emotional distress?  That's $5,000 per minute for the time she was trying to get out.

My guess, Ginger?  This is stemming from a larger issue.  Perhaps you're still really mad at your parents for naming you Ginger.  Or you're mad that when you finally woke up, it wasn't next to Brad Pitt like you were dreaming about.

Now, I agree, it's weird that workers didn't see her, but look at this picture.  She can't even stay awake for her news conference!

Here's the deal people....even if you sue someone for a bunch of money, you're still going to be unhappy and looking for something to make you feel better.  Me?  I prefer to blog about frustrating situations.  As soon as I wrote about that blond line-cutter at a recent book signing I went to, I instantly felt better. 

Hmm, maybe I should have sued Border's for emotional distress....

Getting married to someone with the same last name? Weird

I was looking through Mike's hometown newspaper in Canton, Ohio, trying to figure out how I'll put together our wedding announcement.  I was reading through other wedding announcements, and here is was struck me. 

* One person in the relationship is always better looking than their partner.  Ouch, I know, but so true.  There are some couples you look at and wonder how they landed their spouse, knowing they clearly married "up."  People often wonder how Mike landed me.  I tell them it was the offer of living in a 660-square foot apartment.  Drink!  (Confused?  Please see earlier blog posts.)
* A lot of times, the women in the relationship are amazing, like doctors or lawyers, and the groom is listed as a professional underwater water hockey player or a freelance Drama teacher.  You might as well say, "John is making a career out of spending his wife's money."  Or the reverse is true, and under education it should say, "Shawna went to college to get a B.A. , but all she really wanted was a M.R.S.

Here is what struck me as really odd though...one couple had the same last name before they were married.  I'm not talking about a common name like Smith or Jones, it's Rossi.  So they were listed as the Rossi-Rossi wedding.  And they both grew up in Ohio.  And they lived one town away growing up... 
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?  They're totally related and just don't know it!  I can tell you one thing--if Mike's last name was Crofts, we would not be walking down the aisle in 37 days.  Sure, if we were related our wedding list would be much smaller, and taking family pictures would be easier, but still, that's just gross.

Rossi-Rossi wedding  

Loud Cell Phone Talkers=The Worst

When I flew back from Wyoming Monday night, everything was delayed because of terrible winds in Denver and the awful tornadoes in Nebraska (I nearly died--see yesterday's post.)

The good news is that I was able to catch an earlier flight via standby, but my bag wasn't so lucky.  That meant I arrived at Midway at 9 p.m., but my bag didn't get there until 1 a.m.

As I was waiting, I found a quiet little spot in the corner to relax.  As you can tell from the pic, there was no one around.
Then "Mr. I'm So Cool On My Cell Phone, I'm Just Sure Everyone Around Me Wants to Hear What I'm Saying," plopped down next to me.  Have you ever had this happen?  There are a million other seats, but the most annoying person ever chooses to sit next to you.  Here's a little sampling of his unneccessary and unneccessarily loud conversation.

"Yeah, I'm still working at Blockbuster right now, so I get great discounts on videos, but I still want to try the whole acting thing." (Sorry to tell him--Just because you work with movies, doesn't mean you can be in movies.)

"To get noticed, I think I'll hyphenate my name with my middle name." (Sorry to break the news--I'm pretty sure Daniel Day Lewis is famous because of his amazing ability to portray characters and not because he threw "Day" into the mix.)

He asks the person on the other end of the line, "What, you ate 18 tacos today?  What did they look like?" (Hmm, my guess?  There was meat, cheese, lettuce and tomatoes rolled up into a tortilla.  Clever, isn't it?)

"Wow, the fact that you ate 18 tacos and she still wants to make love to you is incredible!" (Okay, now we know his fat friend is getting some lovin'.  That information?  I didn't need to know.)

The moral of my story?  If you're an idiot who likes to talk about tacos and getting some lovin' really loud, find your own spot in the airport, because mine? It's taken.

Have you ever thought you might die?

Have you ever thought today might be the day you're going to die?  For me, that day was yesterday as I was flying with 130 other people over tornadoes and severe weather in Nebraska.  It got so bad, I even texted my Pops, Mom and Mike saying, "I know this sounds awful, but we're hitting really bad turbulence, so I just want you to know how much I love you."
Did that text send my family into a panic, you ask?  Nope, because it didn't go through, so I was the only one aware of my impending doom.

We've all hit turbulence, I know, so you probably think I'm just being dramatic.  But this was different...this was the kind that made our jumbo jet drop to the point that our seat belts were the only thing keeping us from hitting the overhead bins.  Women were screaming.  Men were cussing.  Babies were crying.  And me?  I was holding the hand of the little old lady next to me, throwing out f-bombs, because I knew I was never going to see my beautiful wedding or use all my wonderful Target and Macy's gift cards.  I'm pretty sure Beatrice has never heard such language.

I can't imagine what was going through the mind's of our pilots.  I was so glad Bachelor Jake Pavelka wasn't our captain, because from all the crying he's done on the Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars, I know he doesn't handle life's challenges well.

Let's just say I ended up quietly crying, and calming down with a free Miller Lite, courtesy of Southwest.  I've never been more thankful to see the lights of Chicago.  I felt much better as we landed, until I realized I have to do it all over again this Friday when we fly to Ohio for another wedding.

P.S.- To the dozens of women screaming when all this was happening, you didn't help.
And if you ever wondered if you handle stress well--you don't.

The winds of change....

In every state I've lived in, I hear people joke about how quickly the weather changes.

In Indy people would say, "Just take a spin around the track, and you'll go from sunny skies to a tornado in a Danica Patrick hot minute."

In Fort Myers, Florida people would say, "By the time you eat the 4 p.m. early bird special and drive home slowly in the left lane, the storms will be rolling in."

In Grand Junction, Colorado, "After you mosey down the Colorado river in your raft with a Coors in your hand, the rain will be a 'coming."

Clearly those people have never lived in Cheyenne, Wyoming.  Yesterday afternoon was absolutely gorgeous with temps in the 80's.  As I was sipping a Bloody Mary in a cute sundress at the Four Winds Bar with all the doors open, I was sweating.  When I got up, my dress was stuck to my legs.  Then, by the time I'd finished my second Bloody Mary, the winds were whippin' up and the temperature dropped 30 degrees.  I was now cursing the fact that all I was wearing was my cute little sundress.  Forecasters were even calling for snow in some areas last night.

So I say, in Wyoming, just take a gallop on your horse towards the sunset, and the winds will be a changin' and the snow will be riding towards ya.

Cloth Bags=Happy Earth

What is our obsession with plastic bags?  My mom and I went to the grocery store today, and the clerk bagged up our small container of sour cream in its own plastic bag.  A whole bag!  When I go to my local CVS, they put my shampoo in a plastic bag, and then put that bag in another bag!  Why does my Pantene need to be double bagged?  America has an obsession with plastic, and something needs to change.

At work I see first hand how people go through a ton of bags.  When a woman buys something small, I always ask if she just wants to throw it in her other bags or her purse.  Several times I've had women insist they need a bag, and then when I had it to them, they stuff the bag in their purse.  Recently when that happened I said, "Oh, I can give you tissue to wrap it in so you don't use a whole bag," She said, "Oh no, I want a bag."  Without thinking, I said, "Well, plastic bags are really bad for the environment, you know."  Oops, I didn't mean to force my values upon someone, but it just slipped out.

According to resuablebags.com, we go through 1 million plastic bags a minute.  A minute!  Worse yet, many bags will pollute our earth for 1,000 years.

For years I've used reusable bags at the grocery, but I now take cloth bags with me everywhere I go.  That way when I need to buy a tub of butter, or a new top (Yes I said need, not want), I put them in my cloth bag.  Kohls.com now has really sturdy bags that fold up really small so you can carry them in your purse.

I know I don't usually have important things to say (unless you consider spray tanning important), but this is close to my heart.  And Ladies--it's easier to hide the new clothes you bought from your husband/boyfriend if they're in a cloth bag.  Just sayin'.