Wowsers, it's here!

Just 4 days until the wedding, and I'm in full-on panic mode. Actually, not really. People keep telling me I'm the calmest bride they've ever met. I keep reading bridezilla horror stories, where the bride yells at everyone including the groom. I guess that's not my style. I'm saving that behavior and the 50 extra pounds I'll gain until after we get married.

Mike and I leave tomorrow, and I seriously can't believe it. I'm not what you'd call a particularly organized packer, so I'm a hot mess when leaving on vacation. I'll start one project, and then I remember the laundry in the dryer, or the dogs need to be walked, or the bills need to be paid. And imagine packing for a wedding! If you think you have nothing to wear now, try packing for the biggest event of your life. (Biggest event other than being born, but that was easy--I was naked.)

Today and tomorrow morning I've got tons of beauty spa treatments to go to, and it's so fun. As a television viewer who saw me without make-up on once told me, "You're not a natural beauty," so as you can imagine I have to get lots done. (But trust me, she didn't look like Cindy Crawford either.)

I probably won't be able to blog for a few days, so help me out. Please say a little prayer for:
-No rain
-No zits
-Good hair
-No drunk/embarrassing relatives
-No tripping on a ridiculously big wedding gown
-And for Mike to actually show up!

Shalom everybody!

Mrs. Soon-To-Be Evanchan

Men: Do you fit into one of these categories?

Going to the gym is an interesting experience. It's full of men trying to impress and hit on women who just want to work out while watching Oprah. The gym I went to in Fort Myers had a women's section with no men allowed, and it was fabulous. I knew I wasn't getting checked out while sweating on the treadmill.

I've come to realize there are 3 types of men that always exist at the gym...1) Mr. Stinky, 2) Mr. Show-off, and 3) Mr. Moaner. Sometimes men fit into more than one of these categories. Here is what I'd like to say to these men...

Dear Mr. Stinky,
Wow, you are the worst thing I've ever smelled, and I've even been to Europe! Your B.O. hit my nostrils like a freight train as soon as I walked in the door. If you find it strange that I kept smelling myself, it's because I was praying if I smelled my arm long enough, I'd smell less of you. I'm sure you were thinking, "I'll just shower after I'm done working out." Next time, shower before and after, because it's hard for me to run when I'm throwing up a little in my mouth. Thank you.

Dear Mr. Show-Off,
Our gym is air-conditioned, so I'm pretty sure it's not necessary for you to take off your shirt. Plus, here's the thing--if someone told you women really go for a hairy, pudgy belly, they were lying to you. You clearly hit your peak 20-years, and 20 6-packs ago, so please leave your shirt on.
Thank you.

Dear Mr. Moaner,
I know working out is tough sometimes, but if you're lifting something so heavy all you can do is scream and moan, it's too heavy. If I can hear your moaning over my I-Pod and the sound of 6 flat-screen TV's on various sports/news programs, you're being too loud. Sorry to break it to you...women aren't impressed, so only lift weights that don't make your veins pop out. Save those noises for....well, actually, never make those noises because you sound like a douche. Thank you.

Best,

Unkempt Jeannie

On my wedding day, I hope to be a lovely bride with my super poofy gown, my hair perfectly styled and a sparkle in my eye. I'm sure Mike will be impressed, considering in these days leading up to the event, I'm a super hot mess.

No one ever warns you that you'll look hideous before your nuptials. That's because you're saving all your typical beauty rituals to right before the big day, often neglecting what really needs to be done now.

That means my eyebrows are overtaking my face in a Frida-kinda way. I need a good waxing as much as the Bachelorette needs to get canceled. It's bad.

I'm also paler than I've ever been. The girl who gives me spray tans at home wants me to be super exfoliated, so I can't even put on my typical self-tanner on my legs. I'm now the whitest person in Chicago, and too embarrassed to wear shorts or skirts.

My toenails needed a pedicure like a week ago. I had to paint at work, so my tangerine colored toenails now have splashes of of white paint on them. I call the color tangerine-trashy.

My fingernails are uneven and broken.

My roots are growing in and my hair is stringy.

I have a zit on my chin that needs a good Oxygen Facial.

I'm just hoping this "Unkempt" Jeannie doesn't lead Mike to standing me up, because that my friends, would be awkward.

Lean on me...

The last time I prepared for a tornado was in the 6th grade. It was Jessup Elementary School in Cheyenne, Wyoming, around 1990. All of us kids were shuttled into the hallways, and told to bring our biggest book (usually Social Studies) with us. We'd squat in the hallway and put the books over our heads to practice a tornado drill. We all felt rest assured that flying debris and glass would certainly bounce off of a 12-year old's school book.

Fast forward to June 23, 2010, and a tornado warning was in effect for Chicago, Illinois. Suddenly I'm 32, without a Social Studies book, and not a clue what to do when all the tornado sirens are going off in the city. Check out the video...it's kinda creepy.

Of course, I turned on the TV to find out what was going on, and surprise, surprise, DISH network didn't have a signal. (See earlier posts.) The Internet wasn't yet updated, and I was freaking out. Should I evacuate? Should I pack up the dogs and hide in the closet?

I did the only thing I know what to do--I posted a message on Facebook and Tweeted that I was scared. Suddenly, two of my friends and former meteorologist co-workers e-mailed/texted me back. Detroit's favorite meteorologist, Sean Ash, told me not to worry--the line of storms was clearing out. Peoria's favorite meteorologist, Jeff Desnoyers, texted me, asking if I was okay. How cool is that? I had people living in other cities, telling me I was going to be A-OK.

Here's the thing--you can't always count on technology to help you out, but you can always count on your friends.

Have you Skyped today?

I may have just found the coolest technology yet! Have you heard of Skype? It's this free service that allows you to see and speak with people over the Internet. Oprah and newscasters use it, but until yesterday, I had no idea that we could use it.

With our new MacBook Pro computer, (seriously the best) we have a camera and a microphone already built in. I downloaded Skype (for free) from www.skype.com, and voila, we were Skyping!

Mike's brother, Jason, and his wife, Cara, are Skypers. Last night, we all got on, and Mike and I were able to see our brand new baby nephew, Garrett, for the first time! Isn't that neat? Garrett was born in early June and we hadn't seen him yet. Come to find out--Mike's mom who admits she is computer illiterate--uses Skype to see her grandchildren, so you can tell it's easy to use.

I only wish Mike and I had this during the 4 long years we lived in different states. Although, I guess I would have needed to ditch the curlers and blue face mask (and the other boyfriend.)

Just Tweet back already!

Have you ever had someone call/e-mail/text/tweet you with a question, or just wanting to chat, and you opt to not call/e-mail/text/tweet them back? If so, then you're a punk. Ouch, I know, but this drives me nuts! It's almost as aggravating as the Chicago tourists taking up more than their fair share of the sidewalk.

Two cases in point: I needed to make a hair appointment for the wedding, so I called a woman who comes highly recommended. I told her so in the voicemail I left. I asked her to call me back ASAP, to let me know if she was available to style my hair.

She never called back.

3 days later, I tried again. No answer. Come to find out (not from her though!), she's busy that day and can't do my hair. So I just wasted 3 valuable wedding planning days NOT hearing back from her.

Second instance: a girlfriend sent me a text that one of her friends had 2 extra tickets to the Cubs game, and she asked if I'd wanted them. I said absolutely! So I called the friend of a friend and left a message, saying I was interested. This was Thursday.

On Saturday, I still assumed we were going, until I finally texted my friend, and she told me her friend gave the tickets to someone else.

Thanks for letting me know.

Seriously people, it's a common courtesy to call/e-mail/text/tweet someone back when they're trying to get in touch. Even if you don't have time to chat, just send them a quick text that you'll get back to them as soon as you can. We have so much technology now, there's really no excuse.

Germs? Stay away!

Wow, just 12 days away from the wedding, can you believe it? I know I keep talking about it, but that's the luxury of having your own blog. You can talk about yourself as much as you want, and talking about me is my favorite kind of conversation! (I hope by now you know when I'm joking, which is almost always.)

In my waiting for 32 years for this magical moment, I've put a lot of pressure on this day. I want the perfect hairstyle, flawless skin, and my latest worry? Being healthy!

At work the other day, I was checking out a girl (By that I mean working, not creeping), and she was coughing all over the place. Seriously people, how did you not learn to cover your mouth? When she left, I immediately ran to the bathroom and washed my hands. A couple of girls at work have recently had the stomach flu, so I keep a good 50 feet away from them. At night, I drink "Emergen-C", the powder you put in your water and it gives you tons of Vitamin C. Living in a city is tough though, because everyday, you walk past sick people.

So, if I see you on the street and I don't shake your hand or kiss your cheek, you know why. Either I don't like you, or I think you might have a runny nose. See me after July 3rd, and I'll be much friendlier.