It's official!

It's official!
David Stubbs Photography

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Maternity Leave

I cannot believe it. It is the LAST day of my maternity leave, and honestly, I have no idea where the past 9 weeks have gone. It's been a slobbering, poopy blur.

When I found out Jack's due date was May 23rd, I was stoked. It was close to Memorial Day which meant I was going to have almost the entire summer off to enjoy brunches and rooftop cocktailing with my girlfriends. Plus I could squeeze in daily runs to burn off my cupcake and ice cream baby weight and trade in my elastic-waisted pants for some cute summer shorts. I also planned to work on my book I've been writing for several years (about my time as a news reporter), write and pitch several magazines on mommyhood and pregnancy, have the apartment cleaned and organized at all times and dinner on the table for my husband when he came home. I was going to take Jack to Central Park often and just enjoy the outdoors as much as possible.

Ha! Any of you who have had a baby are probably laughing right now.

Here's what I really got done:

* I fed the baby
* I changed the baby
* I started all over again
A basic blowout. This requires creative changing and a clean onesie.

Oh, and here are a few other "accomplishments:"

* I poured coffee into the baby bottle and breast milk into the coffee mug
* I called our dog "Jack" and our baby "Buckeye" more times than I'd care to admit
* I had a emotional and mental breakdown after we accidentally clipped off the tip of our son's finger while trying to cut his nails (That was the first and LAST time we have cut his fingernails. He will just have to get used to looking like Howard Hughes.)
* I clearly mastered the art of swaddling

* I captured beautiful moments of my son on videotape:


(Seriously is this kid works as hard at life as he does on a poop, he'll be the next Bill Gates.)

* I learned how to create a GIF from said videos...

SaLF1h on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs
make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif

* I showed our son the art of a selfie...

* How to fist pump...

* The ever important air guitar...

* And to be a true New Yorker...

SaLF1h on Make A Gif, Animated Gifs
make animated gifs like this at MakeAGif