It's official!

It's official!
David Stubbs Photography

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Feeling Lonely? Why Not Rent-A-Friend?

I get daily e-mails showing me the best deals in Chicago, because I'm determined to not pay full price for anything. As I was perusing one the other day, I noticed all the usual suspects like "50% of body waxing" (I hope they do upper lips!) 40% off food at some hole-in-the-wall restaurant, and then I saw one I wasn't expecting... Traveling and don't want to see the sights alone? Rent-a-friend with a 1-year membership for $33! (Normally $69.95)

Um, what?

So I googled this, and found out there really is a company called Rent a friend, where you do just pay someone to go to dinner with you or a ball game- one lady even paid someone to come over and scrap book with her (I'm guessing she owns a lot of cats.) The website stresses it's not a dating or escort service, it's just a place to find friends.

MSNBC did a piece on this and interviewed a social neuroscience researcher who thought it might be a good idea, but says it wouldn't replace "meaningful face-to-face interactions." Duh. Don't you think people who are feeling lonely before and then decide to pay for a friend are really going to just feel more lonely? What happens if someone asks, "Oh, so how did you two meet?" That's awkward.

Moral of the story: I think this is great news for all us, because it's obvious we can make money inventing just about anything in this country! (Pet rock anyone? Reality TV? Bottled water? Snuggies?) 

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Accidental Body Waxing

Have you ever accidentally gotten a body part waxed? Yeah, I didn't think so.

I seriously have the strangest things happen to me. Last week, in preparation for a weekend wedding in Hilton Head, I went to have my eyebrows waxed. When the esthetician called me into her room, she said, "You came for a (muffled word) wax, right?" See, the door was closing as she asked the question, so I couldn't hear it, but I assumed she said brow wax.

First lesson learned, never assume anything. If you don't understand someone, ask them to repeat themselves.

I laid down on the table and she began waxing my eyebrows. Phew, I guess she knows what I want. Everything was going as usual, then as I thought we were wrapping up, in one swift move, she used the wooden stick to smear wax all over my upper lip. I didn't even have a chance to react! I didn't say anything, thinking, hmm, she must be trying to give me a hint. But wait a minute, it's not like I have a mustache. I have barely-there blonde hairs! What is she doing?

Second lesson, speak up for yourself--immediately.

As I checked out, I realized the person who originally made the appointment put me down for "brow and upper lip wax" instead of just "brow wax". (They're probably close to each other in the computer.) But here's the thing...after I get waxed, my skin turns bright red. Like tomato red. After I get my eyebrows done, I have to wear my gigantic sunglasses everywhere Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen style.

So after this, I had to do the walk of shame six blocks home with a bright red ring around the mouth. It looked like I had been a very naughty girl. I called my mom and said, "Talk to me! I need to kill time before Mike sees this and laughs at me."

So what was my very supportive husband's reaction? He laughed and said, "Does that mean it will grow back thicker and darker, so eventually you'll have a sweet 'stache?"

God, I hope not.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Really Arnold, really?

I just got back this morning from South Carolina after a beautiful wedding weekend in Hilton Head. It was so much fun! I had a wonderful time, but I knew the moment I got home I wanted to blog about Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's been killing me since the news broke of his affair/love child/moment of pure stupidity.

Sex & The City 2 Courtesy: eonline
This story took on a whole new meaning for me this afternoon when I finally saw a picture of the other woman. Have you seen this? I was thinking the woman was going to be a little hot blonde who looked a lot like Charlotte's braless nanny in the Sex and The City 2 movie (see first picture.) I wasn't expecting the woman to really look like the housekeeper! (see second picture.) What in the world were you thinking Arnold? You just ruined your marriage and lost your children's respect for that? Sheesh. I'm guessing Maria is now the one saying, "Hasta La Vista, Baby."

Congrats, it's a boy! Courtesy:
What's with men who cheat on beautiful women? Jesse James, Jude Law, Mutt Lange, Hugh Grant...can you help me out here? I'm dying to know how you think the grass is greener with your child's nanny or worse yet, a Hollywood prostitute. If Mike cheats on me, it better be with a Victoria's Secret model, not a woman named Victoria who's secret is that she works at Popeye's chicken and has 4 kids with 3 different men.

Then, not only are these men cheating on their beautiful wives, but they aren't even being safe about it. Listen guys, I've known plenty of women who oops, forgot to take their pill so they can trap a man who's making $7 an hour. You add in millions, yes Arnold, you're apparently worth 400 million, so I guarantee there's going to be a lot more "oops" moments.

Oh wait, I guess you already figured that out.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Playboy Club Trailer-It's Awesome!

When I agreed to cut off 7 inches of hair to be an extra in a TV pilot, my first thought was, "Oh god, what if this show never airs and I cut my hair off for nothing?"

Well, thank goodness it's airing. We just found out NBC picked up the "The Playboy Club" to air this fall. Yay! The promos look awesome and they actually give me the chills. (No, I haven't seen myself yet, but I'm sure the director is saving the best stuff for later. Because trust me, the way I sat at a table and smoked an herbal cigarette is Oscar worthy.)

Check it out! This is the longer trailer, and different from the one I posted on Facebook. The two main stars, Eddie Cibrian and Amber Heard look smokin' hot, as do all the other bunnies. (I still can't believe I talked Mike into doing this with me. As a newlywed, aren't you supposed to keep your husband away from hot women with bunny tails?)

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Dressing Room Disasters

I've realized as a woman, sometimes shopping is just not fun. Sure, there are days you feel good about yourself and everything you try on is a perfect fit. Then there is the other 95% of the time.

I don't shop for clothes much these days, but I needed to find a dress for a wedding we're going to this week in Hilton Head. A girlfriend of mine recommended a little boutique shop in the 900 North Michigan Ave. Shops. I went in and the dresses were stunning. So I picked up my size, but it looked really tiny. So I grabbed a size up too. When I tried them on, I couldn't get either one above my hips. What in the world? I had to go up 3 sizes! Here's the thing clothing designers: don't do that. Never make clothing smaller so a woman has to go up a size (or 3!). I couldn't buy the dang thing just on principal alone. What you want to do is make clothing bigger, that way I can be told, "Oh, I'm so sorry Miss (not M'am) we don't have anything small enough for you. We're going to have to fit you in a junior size. This is so embarrassing!"

And what's with the dressing room lighting in about 99.9% of dressing rooms in this country? They put a weird, glaring light right above you, so it shines down showing every line on your face and every dimple on your behind. It's so. not. flattering. I swear, a Victoria's Secret model couldn't make that lighting work. And you want me to buy a swimsuit after trying this on and swearing I must have gained 10 pounds since breakfast? Not happening.


We want dim, soft lights people and size 0's that are the new size 8's. Thank you.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Parallel Parking: A Fate Worse Than Death?

I've realized there is something holding me back in the city. Something that gives me sweatier 'pits than normal. Something that has to change.

Luckily, this isn't me. Courtesy:
I can't parallel park. Okay, there, I said it out loud. I'm a 32 year old woman who has to have a man park my car for me, and trust me, I'm not proud.

The inability to do so is really affecting the way I live. There are certain parts of town I avoid. There are times where instead of driving, I choose to get into a stinky cab with a driver who's on a suicide mission. It's keeping me from meeting friends for dinner or drinks because I'm scared there won't be any parking options other than to parallel park. It's haunting my dreams!

Why? When I was 16 years old and had just gotten my driver's license, my boss at the clothing store I worked at insisted I drive her Lincoln Continental to run some errands. Have you ever seen a Lincoln Continental? They are the longest cars ever made. They actually put limos to shame. So I ran the errands, and then I had to find a parking spot on Capitol Avenue in Cheyenne, Wyoming. That meant I had to parallel park. Crap, I'd only done that once before getting my license. So I started backing in....and yep, it was ugly. I actually hit the car behind me. Ugh, oh. Then I pulled up, and hit the car in front of me. Crap. By now, a little audience of people had gathered on the street, laughing and pointing at me. (Seriously, why are there ALWAYS people watching you parallel park?)

So as you can imagine, I'm scarred for life. Only now, instead of having to park in Cheyenne, Wyoming I'm in Chicago, Illinois, the 3rd largest city in this country. It's almost a guarantee people will be walking by, watching, and cars behind me will be honking because I'm wasting their time. I might actually pass out from the sheer terror of it all.

Oy vay.

I've decided to face my fears, and learn how to do this seemingly impossible challenge. Stay tuned...I think this will definitely call for a video blog.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Torpedo of Truth--Must See Show??

With a name like the "Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour," how could it not be magical? Yep, that's the name of Charlie Sheen's U.S. "comedy" tour in which he told Entertainment Weekly this weekend he plans to take abroad. Oh thank goodness--I'm so glad people in other countries can see one of our finer thespians in action.

Charlie's tour made headlines in Detroit and Chicago when his performance was so bad people booed him on stage and some even walked out. Quite a shift from just two hours earlier when people greeted him with standing ovations. Audience members said they booed because the show was "nonsensical and disorganized."

No way. Charlie wasn't a poised speaker? Color me shocked.

Here's the thing (my favorite expression): what were people expecting? How can you possibly be disappointed after seeing a washed-up cokehead? Did you think he would discuss the meaning of life? The trials and tribulations of fatherhood? Why yellow makes him sad? Sheesh people.

It's like people on Facebook who choose to "Like" someone like Kim Kardashian, and then post negative comments on her wall like, "Why don't you do anything other than dress up? You're dumb." Really? You chose to follow her and then criticize what she does?

Let's stick to what mom always said. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Then we'll all be...Winning!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Dying Doing What You Love-Does That Make It Better?

Random thoughts by Jeannie...

Often times when someone passes away, you hear the cliche, "He (She) died doing what they loved." Perhaps they are in the military and died in combat. Perhaps they are a window washer who plunged 40 floors to their death. Perhaps they are a pilot who crashed a plane.

I'm come to this conclusion: we use this overused expression to make us feel better, because let's be honest, I'm pretty sure no one facing death ever thought, "Well, at least I'm doing what I love!"

The only thing I can relate to is shopping. It's truly what I love doing more than just about anything in this world. But if I get hit by a cabbie crossing Michigan Avenue to get to Macy's, I'm not going to find peace in the fact that I just spent $200 on some really cute peep-toe pumps. In fact, I'm going to be ticked off I never got to wear them.

So if I die after a woman pulls a gun on me because we both want the same Tadashi dress on sale at Nordstrom's, do me a favor. Instead of saying I died doing what I loved, say, "Jeannie totally saw that dress first, and deserved it. She died with the dress clutched tightly in her hands while vowing to haunt the woman for the rest of her natural life."

Thank you.

Monday, May 2, 2011

God, why are you testing me??

Okay, God is really testing me. He wants to see if I'm a good and honest person, but man, he's making it tough.

In November you may remember my blog about going to an ATM and finding a bank card still inside the machine. The screen asked, "Are you still there? How much do you want to withdraw?" Here's what went racing through my mind....

Suddenly my childhood flashed before my eyes, and I was a 6-year old with pigtails being told by my father, "Now Jeannie, we don't take from others.  Give this toy back to your friend Paige, because it's hers, not yours."

In my dream, I retort back, "But Pops, it's really expensive living in Chicago and I'm underemployed, so I can't afford my own toys!" My dad doesn't budge, and when I'm thrust back into reality, my conscience gets the best of me.  I hit "Cancel Transaction" and take the card inside to the bank manager.  

Don't worry, I blurred the numbers
Well, it happened again. Can you believe it? This morning I went to an ATM at Clark and Division which is a very busy intersection near a red line L stop. I couldn't figure out what the annoying beeping was, until I realized there was a bank card still inside the machine. Since it's an outside ATM, I decided to take the card home with me so it's safe.


Pops, I'm guessing you wouldn't condone me doing a little online shopping, would you? 

I know, I know. I'm calling the bank now to let them know I found it. But seriously, how many times will this happen until I finally break??

P.S. No, I'm not ignoring the biggest news story today, but what else can be said about Osama Bin Laden's death that hasn't already been said? (However, I'm guessing he didn't return bank cards he found.)