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It's official!
David Stubbs Photography

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Cankles during pregnancy

When you're walking around the streets of New York, you pretty much see it all. A man peeing on the sidewalk, homeless people yelling at each other over who has the right to that corner, dirty garbage piles, used condoms, you name it.

But it was this sight on the Upper West Side yesterday afternoon that made a woman stop dead in her tracks...

Oh my god, what is it??

That my friends, is the cankle and swollen foot of a woman who is 39.5 weeks pregnant. That woman is me. And the woman who stopped dead in her tracks? I don't know her name, but I do know this: she literally stopped walking mid-stride to exclaim to me, "Girl, you need to prop those feet up today!"

What that means is my canks are now bad enough to make a busy New Yorker stop what she is doing long enough to give me pregnancy advice. Yowsers. Oh, and she recommended that I drink more water too.

Here's the thing: I've been drinking a ton of water. And I've been working from home with my feet propped up. And I've been putting ice on them. But? Nothing helps. Of the 30+ pounds I've gained, apparently 10 of it has been in my feet. At my weekly doctor's appointment, I make sure to always show my doc just how big they've gotten, but she never seems concerned.

So, I just stuff the one pair of flip flops that still fit on my Andre the Giant feet and continue on my way. 

Oh, and I also try to look at the positives. Like #1, my canks have provided hours of entertainment for my husband (and dog) who find it amusing that when you push on the canks, a noticeable indent appears. Kind of like hail damage.

#2 Cank Positive: I've got great material now to "sext" my husband.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Getting ready for labor

There is a strange time in a woman's life when her due date is just a week away and she is excited scared as hell. For me, that time is now.

My due date is one week from this Friday and it's really the craziest time. As a first time mom (to a two-legged baby anyway) every kick, contraction and cramp is a new experience and I'm not exactly sure what to expect. My emotions go from thinking I'm going to kick butt during labor to what the heck was I thinking and is it too late to get my money back? 

Every night I've been reading books trying to prepare for both labor and just general baby stuff like what color his poop needs to be. Who knew an 8-pound creature could be so high maintenance? Apparently I need to feed him every few hours which then leads to burping and diaper changes, so essentially I'll be working around the clock to make sure he's happy. (I'm really starting to question if I'm still going to be able to sleep in and have time to watch Real Housewives of NYC.)

Along with the high maintenance stuff, apparently the kid is going to be kind of, well, weird looking at first. In one of my books, they describe the way a newborn looks and it doesn't sound good. Here are some examples:
  • Oddly shaped head- It sounds like the trip down the birth canal is as traumatic to a baby's head as it is to his mother's lady parts, so he may come out looking like this...

  • Vernix caseosa coating- In layman's terms: he'll likely be coated with a cheesy substance and I'm guessing it's not the kind you want to dip a cracker in.
  • Swelling of the gentials- Not only will he likely have large man parts, he may have swollen breasts that could leak a white or pink substance. (I'm totally telling his prom date about this.)
  • Lanugo- His whole body could be covered in hair. But this might not be a bad thing--perhaps this way, his brother and sister will accept him as one of their own. 

  • Puffy eyes- Apparently swimming around in amniotic fluid for 9 months has the same effect for him as a night of drinking and eating salty foods has on me. Oh, and the problem is made worse by the ointment they slather on to protect his eyes from infection. But this is actually a helpful beauty tip-- never put Vaseline on your under eye bags. Got it.
  • Birthmarks and skin lesions- I guess this means he may come out looking like a little tiny meth user.
Can you believe with this kind of description there are still 7 billion people on the planet? Can you imagine trying to sell anything else this way? Like the 2004 Chevy you're interested in buying is going to have a lot of dings and scrapes, it will smell like a 10-day old burrito and you'll have to service it 24-hours a day. Sound good?

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Pregnant woman kicked out of gym follow-up

After I recently blogged about the pregnant South Carolina woman who was kicked out of her gym for having an exposed belly, I heard from her! Melissa Mantor e-mailed me, thanking me for making her laugh and said my blog was the best thing to come out of this ordeal. Isn't that cute? I replied and told her that my belly and I were in full support of her.

Let me just say this Melissa: I know the public has been brutal in regards to your story. During my 10 years working as a news reporter, I know first hand how brave people are behind their computers. My favorite story I like to tell is when a viewer e-mailed me and said she could tell I was a slut by the way I looked on air. Ha! (I guess the business suits I wore daily gave that impression?) The good news is that the American public gets bored easily, so they'll be moving onto the next person to criticize in no time.

I also had to laugh when I got this e-mail today and I thought of you. It's from the New York City gym I used to belong to, Equinox, asking me to re-join. Here's the image that came with the e-mail...

Hehe, see Melissa? I told you nothing shocks New Yorkers! Feel free to print this out and take it to your gym. It's good for one free pass to wear whatever the heck you'd like. :-)

Friday, May 2, 2014

Pregnant woman kicked out of gym

Wow. Have you been following the story of the pregnant woman kicked out of a South Carolina Planet Fitness gym because her belly was showing and she refused to cover up? Apparently the gym has a no-midriff policy that she was "violating" with her 19-week preggo belly.

Look at how cute she is! (And anyone who thinks this belly is shocking clearly hasn't been to a water park in July.)

When I started reading the story on various news outlets, I was expecting to find comments from people who would be supportive of this mama named Melissa Mantor with posts like, "You go girl!" and "Let it all hang out!" But instead, people are really being mean...

Really? They think HER belly was hanging out? Clearly they hadn't seen my Instagram photo from a few days before...

See, here's the thing. I'm not trying to be an exhibitionist or offend anyone. I just have a HUGE gut! It happens! I have exactly ONE maternity workout top, but on this particular day it was dirty, so I wore a pre-pregnancy one. At 37 weeks pregnant, I don't want to invest in a ton of maternity clothes because a) They are expensive and b) I could pop at anytime, so why bother? So yes, I wore this outfit to the gym and no I didn't get kicked out or have America bashing me.

Here are the major problems I have with this story:

1) Have you ever in your life heard of a dress policy at the gym? I have worked out in a lot of gyms in my day, and it's not at all uncommon to see various states of dress. And I'm not just talking about in New York or Chicago either. I used to belong to the YMCA in Fishers, Indiana which you'd expect to be the most conservative gym in America, but I often saw women in sports bras. WHO CARES? You're sweating. It's hot. You're working out. No one expects you to be in a business suit.

2) Have you ever been to Hot Yoga? People are basically naked in hot yoga. Why? Because it's FRICKING HOT! Even the men practically wear speedos. I'm pretty sure I once saw a man's "man parts" in a hot yoga class and didn't think a thing of it.

3) Have you ever been to Wal-Mart? Yes South Carolina, I'm talking to you. There's a reason there are entire websites dedicated to what people wear to Wal-Mart because it's, well, bad. Here's a friendly reminder...

And I'm fairly certain this woman (man?) isn't wearing this outfit because he/she's expecting a little miracle and nothing fits anymore.

4) Have you ever been to a major city?? Perhaps I'm a jaded New Yorker, but nothing really shocks me anymore. A few weeks ago I saw a homeless man "enjoying" himself on the subway platform, so I simply turned my back so I didn't have to see the outcome. I didn't inform him that he was violating the subway's rules and "enjoying" oneself is best left to do in the privacy of one's cardboard home.

5) Have you ever paid attention during summer? I wonder how many of the people who commented on Melissa's story look like this in the summer...

And yet if I asked any of these women to cover up, I'd probably get punched in the face.

So Melissa, the moral of this blog post is that I feel your pain. Anyone who says just "cover up" clearly has never been pregnant and realized the daily battle of trying to find something that fits. (Let's be honest--you know it's bad when you can barely shove a flip flop onto your swollen and nasty-looking foot.)

And to America-- if Melissa's (or my) belly really offends you that much, I would suggest you NOT tell us about it because we're A) Emotional and B) Hormonal and C) Likely to kick your butt. Just look at what I did to this guy...