Retinol That Really Works

Happy Monday! This is such a fun time of year as work and school wind down - I'm so looking forward to winter break! 

I recently had a facial and the esthetician I've gone to regularly asked if I was using retinol. I said, "Why yes I am, how can you tell?" She told me that it was clearly helping the lines on my forehead. Score! 

Sharing my favorite retinol HERE. The best news? It's non irritating. I have eczema, so I have to be careful about what I use on my face and body. This product never irritates my skin! 

Have a great week!

Why Breastfeeding Sucks...Literally

Breastfeeding and I butted heads from the beginning.

It wasn't that my nearly 9.5 pound baby didn't latch on (of course he did, the kid was starving!), it was that as many women know, you don't realize you have a "bad latch" until it looks like you've gone to 2nd base with Edward Scissorshands. Even the nurses in the hospital told me they'd never seen such unique blueish/purple lines. Were they cuts? Bruises? I guess my pale Welsh ancestors didn't exactly pass on the toughest of skin.

The agony continued at home, with each feeding feeling like an electrical shock of pain. I decided I needed to hire a very well known breastfeeding consultant to help me out, and like everyone else who saw the girls, she gasped when I opened my shirt and showed her the damage. She said there was no way to work on a "good latch" since everything would feel like shooting pain and advised me to exclusively pump so that I could have time to heal. It was a lot of work -- pumping and feeding every three hours, but my husband, mom and mother-in-law helped out a ton.

"Mommy, why do you always have ice on my food?"

Fast forward to several weeks later, I had finally healed and was ready to breastfeed again. I phased it in slowly... such as feeding once, pumping five times, then feeding twice, pumping four times, etc. We were finally on the right track! Jack and I were getting into a good little routine until...a plugged duct turned into a nasty case of mastitis. With the help of my mom, mother-in-law and husband, I slept all day in a puddle of sweat, and would only get up to pump every few hours. It took every ounce of energy to get my weak body out of bed to do so.

Two rounds of antibiotics later -- and the doctors realized that my mastitis hadn't healed, but instead turned into a very rare and large abscess. (I've read that they only occur in 3-11% of mastitis cases.) It was so large, in fact, that Jack could no longer latch because the tumor-looking abscess was in his way. (Thank god babies don't remember this stage. There wouldn't be enough therapy in the world.)

The first doctor I went to referred me to a specialist who used an ultrasound to drain it with a needle. It was so large though that she had to refer me another doctor who told me she had no other option than to cut it open and drain everything inside. As she was draining it, her exact words to me were, "This isn't the most puss I've seen, but you're in the top 5." (Finally! I competed at Miss USA years ago and did not score that high.)

She numbed me so I couldn't feel her cutting, but I could feel the puss running down my body. (Oh, and an extra disgusting bonus?  I had to keep the hole open for the next two weeks by packing it with gauze by using a medical Q-tip to stuff it in. It was the grossest thing I've ever done. My mother-in-law, who is a former nurse, helped. We bonded in ways that no mother and daughter-in-law should.)

Not ready to give up the dream, I tried to pump later that day, but realized after pumping in the dark that the cups were filled with more blood and puss than breast milk. I blacked out from the grossness of it all, and when I awoke, I said, "Okay, this is my sign. Breastfeeding is not meant for me." I then spent the next week in agony while trying to dry up cold turkey, and cried for the next two weeks about what a terrible mother I was.

My experience was not only painful, but it also made me realize that many people try to make you feel guilty (whether they mean to or not) if you're not breastfeeding. There's this whole pro-breastfeeding movement with articles, social posts and hashtags...and well it sucks (literally!) because it only makes the mom guilt worse.

So for all of you who can't, or don't want to breastfeed, this list is for you. Here are my top six reasons you shouldn't feel guilty if it doesn't work for you.

My Top 6 Reasons You Shouldn't Feel Guilty About Not Breastfeeding

1. It's Damn Inconvenient-  When I went back to work, I realized that I was going to have to schlep my pump and milk to a different...borough. I was lucky that I often worked from our Manhattan apartment, but when I did need to go to the office, it was across the river in Brooklyn. That meant I would have needed to haul my laptop, pump and milk supplies 1) Onto a cramped shuttle from our building to the subway stop then 2) Onto an even more cramped A train then 3) Transfer it to the C Train and then 4) Walk it another 0.4 miles to work. I could have then pumped in the bathroom or storage closet to then try to find room in the office refrigerator among my millennial colleague's hemp sandwiches. (I will say my awesome boss later gave up his office to allow one of my colleague's to pump and he definitely would have done the same for me. Isn't that great?) And to all of you who do schlep all your supplies daily so you can continue your journey, I tip my hat to you. 
2. It Hurts- I know I'm not speaking from the best experience, but aside from bruising and mastitis, my boobs HURT every three hours. I'm a petite woman and those things ballooned to an F-cup. (Apparently I was an over producer.) I literally couldn't be away from Jack or a pump for more than three hours. I remember being at brunch with my girlfriends and cringing when one ordered a second drink. I had only been out for two hours but I felt like I was going to explode. And when I tried to run for a workout, I had to hold each breast because of the pain. Holy moly! Carrying two milk jugs is not easy.
3. It's Hard- Have you ever noticed on the "how to breastfeed" video online, the women have those porn star boobs that not only can be maneuvered in any direction to easily feed their child, but it could also probably feed a kid two tables over? For the rest of us with smaller or super swollen breasts that are close to our bodies, it's not as easy. Porn star boobs= easy. Non porn star boobs= harder.
4. It May Not Be What It Seems- Yeah, yeah, I know. You can't login to Instagram without seeing a celebrity, influencer or friend breastfeeding their baby or showing all the breast milk she's donating because she just has too much, blah, blah, blah. (I cried for 1/2 an hour when I saw Olivia Wilde post a picture of her breastfeeding like 10 minutes after my journey ended.) Here's the thing: it's a whole lot easier to breastfeed when you aren't working. Or if you have a huge support system like a night nurse or an assistant. Or when you don't have any issues with it in the first place. Try to remember that most people only put the good stuff on social media. They aren't posting about all their breastfeeding tears, their postpartum depression or cellulite. Am I right??
5. Formula Is Really, Really Good- One of my amazing co-workers (who's a former nanny) consoled me after I gave up breastfeeding and said, "Don't you have to add supplements to breast milk? And with formula, you don't have to add a thing, right? That should make you feel better already." Listen, I'm not trying to say that formula is better than breast milk (please save the nasty comments), I'm just saying that it's 2019 and formula is really, really, good. If they can have driverless cars, I'm fairly certain they can make a pretty great formula. And besides, Jack who is now almost 5 years old, is smart, funny, happy and one of the most polite kids you'll meet, so I'm pretty sure I didn't screw him up (yet).
6. You Don't Have to Be That Mom- Instead of constantly posting on social media about how proud you are that you're breastfeeding or designating special hashtags to let the world know how much better you are than the rest of us (I want to punch anyone who says Breast is Best. It's like no Betty, I'm pretty sure not being a judgemental bitc* is best), you can instead spend time doing what mothers should be doing -- drinking wine and talking shit about other mothers. And an added bonus? You could designate special hasthtags to showcase other bodily functions and how great they are! I have a few suggestions here: #PoopingAfterCoffeeIsBest #IFartWhenILaugh #IAlsoPeeALittleBit #ActuallyALotOfBit 

Moms I don't like

I'm now the mom to two boys (two! yikes), a 4-year old son Jack and a 4-month old son Will. As I'm spending more time with other parents and kids through daycare, preschool, countless playground visits and weekend activities, I've realized there are a lot of moms I just don't like.

I know, I know, these are the things we're supposed to think and not say. But I'm sleep deprived and sassy AF this week, so I'm breaking down the worst offenders in this VERY important round-up of the most annoying moms. This is not fake news, people.

The Overreacting To Injuries Mom

We've all seen it...the kid stubs his toe on the playground and the mom falls apart. She runs in a movie-like slow motion yelling and pushing everyone out of the way. "Oh my gaaaawwwwddddd Blane, are you okay? Mommy's here!!!!!"

The two embrace and Blane-- who WAS perfectly fine-- is now crying because his mom is freaking his shit out.

The mom screams "Can anyone find a doctor, I think he might lose this toe!"

Then the reality kicks in that all kids fall daily (and bleed just as often) and Blane is going to be just fine (for now), but we all know Blane is going to grow up to be the biggest pussy in school. (Sorry, too harsh?)

The Cheerleader Mom

This is the mom who goes over the top to tell her child how great he is, therefore, ensuring in 20 years he's going to be the guy that every. single. girl avoids in the bars because he'll grow up thinking he is the best.

You know this type of mom. Anytime the kids does ANYTHING, mama cheers with the kind of enthusiasm usually only seen by tween girls at Justin Bieber concerts.

The kid kicks the ball at soccer? "Well done Oscar!!!!!" The kid stands where he's supposed to? "Nice job Blake!!!!" The kid does a pee in the potty (even though he's 6), "You rock Graham!"

Oscar, Blake, Graham...you poor little dudes. Life is going to be a big ol' slap in the face.

The MIA Mom

This is the mom who is apparently unaware that her child has been able to use his lit cigarette to start a fire in the playground.

Perhaps she's got her face buried in her iPhone updating her Facebook status or she's hiding in her car for a few quiet moments to enjoy her flask of whiskey...I guess we'll never know.

The craziest story I heard of an MIA mom involved a 6 or 7-year-old boy on a New York City playground who had pulled his pants down and was waving his man parts around, attempting to pee on anyone who came near. Kids, parents, park employees...it didn't matter, his penis believed in equal rights for all.

Other moms, who were clearly horrified, spent a solid 10 minutes trying to find the MIA mother.

They never did.

I can guarantee if either of my boys uses the playground as the site of his Chippendales tryout, I'll be shutting that down faster than Kim Kardashian's first or second marriage. (Betcha you didn't know Kanye is lucky #3. That could be a Jeopardy question someday. You're welcome.)

The Raising a Mike Tyson Wannabe Mom

Some boys are just violent dickheads. Okay, there I said it. You'll be enjoying a nice summer day at the playground or a sports activity, and this boy (and often his equally awful siblings) are inflicting as much pain as possible onto the other kids.

Here are the common scenarios: Perhaps another kid is on the swing Mike wants? That deserves a punch.

Or maybe another kid is trying to go down the slide before Mike? That deserves a karate chop to the face.

The kids are violent and their mothers clearly have no control over the situation. No bueno. The only fights I want to see are on the Real Housewives.

The Empty Threats Mom

Let's say Mike Tyson's mom IS trying to get her son to calm down and not be so violent or pay attention to (insert various activities here) but the kid is not. having. it. So she threatens that they have to leave.

But said behavior doesn't change.

So she threatens to leave again.

Nada.

And threatens again.

Well, you get it. Empty Threats Mom, I'm afraid you've just been played, sucka'.

Summary

In recapping this important blog post, I'm realizing that all of my scenarios involve boys. I am the mom to two boys, so I don't know what it's like to raise girls, but I couldn't help but wonder (yes, you should be reading that in Carrie Bradshaw's voice) are boys just more difficult to raise???

Oy vey.

(My boys. Mostly cool.)

Facebook Moms Groups

After I had Jack three years ago, I joined quite a few Facebook moms groups. They are often hugely helpful so you can ask things like:

• Is it normal for my toddler to act like such an asshole? (Yes) 

Or

•  Is it normal that my baby hasn't pooped in five days. (No) 

The New York City Facebook moms groups are particularly entertaining because you have a funny mix of moms who post about their million dollar apartments or Hamptons homes they are selling because they need more room (samsies), or they want to warn you about the notorious spitting woman on the Upper East Side who will spit at you and your children if you get too close. (I'm not making this up.)

There are also quite a few moms who will post photos of nannies and say something like, "If this is your nanny, I think you should know she was looking at her phone the entire time she was at the playground and not paying attention to your child." I laugh, thinking if any of those same complaining parents spent five days in a row with their kids, they'd probably be disengaged some (all) of the time too.

But today, I saw the post of all posts. The kind of post that you scroll past but then go back because you think whoa, did that just say what I think it said? Here's the post:

I apologize, I should have warned you to sit down before reading such a horrendous post. These poor innocent Upper West Side dogs were forced to dress up today in costume AND be photographed, just for some awful woman's amusement.

It's shocking and upsetting, I know.

After I composed my laughter self, I couldn't wait to read the comments so I could see how people were letting this woman know she was being ridiculous. I started scrolling through the comments and found...well...not what I was expecting.

Wait, what? They're agreeing with this woman? Am I being punked? 

Despite Mike's advice to never get involved with Facebook discussions, I couldn't help myself because this was maybe the most ridiculous thing ever, especially in light of everything going on in Houston right now. So, I responded with this:

I have to be honest, I'm quite proud of the fact that my comment has received the most likes of any in this post. As you can imagine, this stirred the pot a bit...

Surprise, surprise...the woman who is secretly plotting my death tonight has her profile picture set as...a dog.

So, I guess we all learned an important lesson here today-- if you're going to dress up dogs in costume to take photos of them, do it on the Upper East Side because the Upper West Side mamas ain't having none of it. 

Things to Do in New York City

Every month or so I get a Facebook message from a friend, former colleague or classmate telling me they are coming to New York and they'd love to know the must-do's from an insider. Since it's not a quick or easy answer, I promise to get back to them....and well...job, baby, dogs, husband...boom, I forget, and I don't think about it again until I see their posts from Times Square or the Empire State Building.

Doh. Then I feel like a real jerk.

So here you go...for all those who want to know, here are my favorite things to do and eat in New York City. Enjoy!

To Do

• Central Park- One of my favorite ways to spend a few hours in New York is to walk around Central Park. I've been there 100 times, and I still find myself on a new path, seeing new things. It's particularly gorgeous right now with the trees blooming. Most people start near Columbus Circle and walk north or east from there. Tip: The farther north you go, the less busy it is. If you want to take a carriage, they are lined up along Central Park South.

• Brooklyn Bridge- Walking the Brooklyn Bridge is also so fun and again, free! Tip: Take the subway to the entrance near City Hall (Lower Manhattan) and walk from there. It's also really fun to take the ferry back to Manhattan. Tickets are available on the Brooklyn side, where it departs. Tip 2: While walking on the bridge, stay off the bike path. They go super fast and are a bit loco.
• River Cruises- Some of my favorite NYC nights have been cruising around the Hudson and/or East Rivers! The views of the city are spectacular, plus they'll take you up close to the Statue of Liberty. One of my favorites is this Classic Harbor Line Sunset Cruise. Discounted tickets available on Zerve. It's quaint and the staff is so friendly. 
• Broadway Show- Yes, they are wildly overpriced, but people love a good Broadway Show. My faves: Jersey Boys, Motown and A Gentleman's Guide to Love & Murder (no longer playing, I think) :-( Kinky Boots is also on my list. Tip: Check out sites/apps like Goldstar or TodayTix to get discounted tickets. 
• Empire State Building- Spectacular views and great photo opps...no other thrills. Tip: Splurge for the Express passes. It will save you hours in line. 
• 9/11 Memorial- I haven't been since the museum was finished, but I hear it's just beyond touching. (I'm not far enough post-baby and emotionally ready. The memorial itself made me have the ugly cries.) I also hear the views from the observatory are simply amazing.
• Brunch- If there's one thing New Yorkers love, it's having brunch. Usually around 12 pm or 12:30 pm so we don't feel guilty drinking. Do it! There are so many great restaurants in this city.

Where to Eat

This is such a tough question! I've heard there are between 25,000-30,000 restaurants in New York City. Here are some of my faves:

• Upstairs at the Kimberly- My favorite brunch spot. Great for drinks too! Super beautiful views (Midtown)
• Catch NYC- Amazing dinner location and usually good celebrity spotting! Fun fact: My girlfriend and I were there the same night as John Legend's birthday party and I used the bathroom stall right after Chrissy Teigen, so my butt touched where hers did just seconds before. Winning! (Meatpacking District)
• Almond- There are a couple locations, but I've been to the Tribeca one for dinner. Super great ambiance and wonderful food (Tribeca)
• Park Ave Spring (Summer, Fall, Winter)- This restaurant on Park Ave. changes its menu and ambiance every season and it's gorgeous! I recently had the Maine Lobster dish that made me want to cry happy tears. (It's expensive) (Flatiron) 
• El Centro- Super amazing place nearish to Times Square. The best Mexican food I've had in the city. (Try their steak burrito and flavored margaritas.) It's small and they don't take reservations, so get there early! (Hell's Kitchen)
• Remi- This is another good one closeish to Times Square. Their bread with goat cheese sauce is to die for. Drinks are reasonably priced too. (Theater District)
• Mandarin Oriental- This is a really fun place to do afternoon tea. Great views of Central Park! Near Columbus Circle. (Midtown)
• Molly's Cupcakes- The BEST cupcakes in New York City. Try the cake batter. (West Village)

Transportation

• The subway really is the best, easiest and cheapest way to get around NYC. Uber is good too, unless they have surge pricing, then run far, far away. Cabs are great and are usually easy to hail, unless it's raining. Tip: Download the NYC Subway App (with the white train and red/black background). It works even when you're underground and you can see what trains to use. 

Hotels

• I don't have a ton of insights here, but I do know that most in Times Square are good. People seem to love the Marriott Marquis. Other good ones (not in Times Square), Empire Hotel, Hotel Hugo and the Lucerne. 

I think that's about it! Now go enjoy this crazy, fabulous city! (And don't get mugged. Ha!) 

When a teacher changes your life

Time.

Oh time. 

Why are you such a precious commodity that always seems to be about six inches out of reach? The daily to-do's get pushed to another day...and then another. On Friday nights, we dream about you and all the great ways we're going to use you over the next couple of days, and then poof, in a blink and a breath, you are once again slipping away from us. 

Oh time.

That feeling of never having enough seems so much harsher now with a 16-month old and a job and a household. Responsibilities. Bills. Life. 

A few years ago, in an effort to stay on top of things, I bought a decorative wicker basket to keep my stash of to-do's. You know-- bills to pay, 401k statements to look over, pet health care reminders to call on...

And this. A handwritten note from my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Christine Perryman, dated March 9, 2012, a full 25 years after I had been in her class.

                                     

Mrs. Perryman had bumped into my mother and they chatted, as they so often did. My mom shared the news that I had recently had a miscarriage, and Mrs. Perryman was deeply saddened by the loss. Not long after their conversation, I received this incredibly thoughtful note, which in part said:

"It seems life can be so trying...so always remember to lean on God and don't quit smiling your beautiful smile! I will be praying for you."

I was beyond touched. The fact that a teacher I had had more than two decades prior was still thinking about me was beautiful and exactly what I needed to heal from the loss of my baby.

So I put the note in my wicker basket with the excited intent to thank Mrs. Perryman and tell her how much it meant. But a move from Chicago to New York City, a new job, and later a big bundle of joy named Jack, always seemed to get in the way.

Sadly today, I got the news that I'll never be able to share with Mrs. Perryman just how much that note meant to me. At just 53 years old, she passed away after a long battle with cancer. Her time was taken away much, much too soon.

Mrs. Perryman wasn't just a teacher, she was THE teacher. The best. My favorite. The one that made me get it. The one who turned my C's and D's into A's and the honor roll. She turned me from someone who was totally disinterested in learning to someone who couldn't soak it up quickly enough. In college, when I got a two-year tuition scholarship, my family and I joked that we should send her a check as a thank you. She was patient, and fun, and beautiful, and smart and everything I wanted to be.

Dang you time.

Today, with tears in my eyes and a heavy heart, I say thank you Mrs. Perryman. 

I'm so sorry I didn't say it sooner. 

My mom found my 4th grade report card. Mrs. Perryman shared sweet words back then too.

http://www.wyomingnews.com/articles/2015/10/18/obituaries/09obit_10-18-15.txt#.ViU5kmSrQ1g

Reporter and photographer killed on live TV

My heart is so heavy. I've been fighting back tears all day and I'm no longer winning that fight as I sit at my desk thinking about the Virginia news reporter and photographer murdered early this morning on live TV. It's a story that is so utterly shocking and disgusting, that throughout the day, I've had to remind myself that it's real.

Alison Parker and Adam Ward drove into work early this morning, just like it was any other day. They loaded their gear into the live truck....perhaps Alison put on her makeup while Adam drove...perhaps they turned up the radio to listen to and sing along to their favorite song...perhaps they spoke about the love they had for their fiancee and boyfriend, whom they left behind at the station when they departed. What they never imagined is that around 6:45 am, a former co-worker they had only worked with for a short time, would open fire on them, and record the whole incident on his cell phone in a sickening final gesture.

This story hits so unbelievably close to home because I was that reporter. I was the 24-year old budding journalist working in small market TV. I was the morning reporter who interviewed representatives from the chamber of commerce about tourism. I was the one secretly dating a co-worker who would later become my husband. I was the one who loved working with my morning photographer and would take silly photos together and laugh until our bellies hurt. I was the one who had people come up and watch my live shots. I was the one who had my back turned so I could face the interview subject, making me unaware of what anyone was doing behind me. I was Alison Parker.

Working in television news can be scary. There were certainly bad neighborhoods, bad situations, standoffs, hurricanes and sketchy people that made me worry for my safety. But it was never on a warm summer morning in August while promoting a tourism event. I guess that is perhaps our only solace-- that Alison and Adam never saw it coming.

To the families of Alison and Adam, and to Vicki Gardner who is recovering from her gunshot wounds, the nation mourns with you. Our hearts are heavy. There are no words except to say we are praying for you today.