It's official!

It's official!
David Stubbs Photography

Monday, January 9, 2012

Coughing in public: my biggest pet peeve

We've all been there: you're at the gym/work/school or on a bus/train/plane and someone is coughing so hard you think they're literally going to blow a lung right out of their open, gaping mouth. They are hacking and choking and all you can think is why did you ever watch the movie Contagion? Now you're pretty sure this person is spreading a horribly contagious disease that will wipe out all of mankind and will even make Gwyneth Paltrow look bad. Crap. Then you wonder why you didn't take your Emergen-C this morning.

Courtesy: Crude Fitness
Part of me feels bad for these people, because we've all had that miserable, lingering cough, but the other part of me wants to slap them across the face and say, "Why didn't you stay home today??"

Because here's the thing: there has never been anyone in the history of the world that was impressed with Joe coming to work even though he spent the whole day hacking at his computer. There's never been a teacher that thought, "Wow, Johnny is sure dedicated coming to school when he can't even go two minutes without coughing all over Annie." You know what I say when someone brags that in 30 years on the job, they never once called in sick? I say, "I wonder how many other people you made sick in those 30 years, you goober."

So people, quit trying to be a hero. Quit trying to get that perfect attendance award. Please stop getting the rest of us sick just because you don't have the common sense or courtesy to stay home. No one wants you around. And heck, you can use the cough as a great excuse to lay in bed all day and watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians. You know you want to.

Thank you.

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