Facebook relationship status

You can wear your status! Courtesy: Zazzle.com

I'm obsessed with Facebook relationship drama. Ob-sessed. You know the kind I'm talking about too...so and so changes their status from "married" to "it's complicated" or so and so is in an "open relationship." It takes everything I have to not send them a message (whether I know them well or not) and ask, "What in the world happened?" Or "What do you mean by open relationship?" And just what are they open to...getting an STD?

It's very clear that people update their relationship status a) because they are super honest b) they just want to get it over with, knowing people with ask questions or c) they enjoy the drama. I've seen couples who are clearly taunting each other with their changed statuses and posts that are obvious jabs directed at their spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend. 

My favorite is when in just a matter of a few days, someone goes from "married" to "it's complicated" to "separated" to "married" again. Phew, who can keep up? What that essentially means is "I'm married to Mike." "Mike flirted with a girl and now I'm mad." "Mike and I fought all night and I think it's over." "Oops, found out the girl Mike was talking to is his co-worker." Every up and down of their marriage is put out there for the world to see.

To think--Mark Zuckerberg designed the relationship status just to find out if the hot women on campus were single or not. Now, not only do we get to find out if they're happy in their relationship, but we also find out how they look in a cell phone self-portrait with kissy-face duck lips.

Kristen Stewart cheating scandal

Oh my goodness, can you believe this latest national scandal? No, not the Chick-fil-A hoop-la, I'm talking about Kristen Stewart cheating on her Twilight co-star Robert Pattinson. What was she thinking??

Courtesy: US Weekly

In the latest issue of US Weekly, there is not one, not two, but five pictures showing Stewart either kissing or cuddling with her Snow White and the Huntsman director, Rupert Sanders, who is 41 and married. The photos are in the daylight and oh-so obvious.

Okay Kristen--here's the deal. Have you never picked up a copy of US Weekly? Do you know millions of us eagerly buy them every week so we can see you and all the other Hollywood stars flocking on the beach or walking your dogs. Heck, we even want to know you're "Just Like Us" in photos showing you picking your teeth, pulling a wedgie out of your behind or licking your fingers after eating delicious Buffalo Wings. Somehow seeing photos of you walking out of the grocery store with toilet paper and no make-up on, takes my mind off the incredible pain I'm enduring on the gym treadmill or the pain I'm about to endure at the dentist.

Also, have you ever seen the great lengths the paparazzi go to to find y'all? You've probably noticed them every time you step out of your house, car or restaurant. And don't you find it strange that there are always black cars following you everywhere you go?

I'm pretty sure if photogs can capture images of Shiloh Pitt cruising down the Nile River with Angelina Jolie on their peace mission in Egypt or photograph Suri Cruise mid-breakdown after not getting the puppy she wanted in a pet store, they can probably find you in the outskirts of L.A. at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday.

Just sayin'.

And Rob-I'm so sorry you're heartbroken. But here's my number. Call me maybe?