Three Words Describe Chicago Bicyclists....

Awe yes, finally. WE MADE IT PEOPLE!! The weather is in the 60's, the birds are chirping, people are happy and some even broken out the shorts today. Yes, they had shockingly white legs, but considering their walkers haven't seen the light of day in 5 months, it's forgiven. After getting blasted with snow, wind and even thundersnow this winter, Chicagoans have finally earned a little taste of Spring. You can toast your green beer to that!

You know it's Spring-like in the city when you see dozens of people on their two-wheeled death machines, a.k.a bicycles. As I've said in a previous blog, there are three words to describe Chicago bicyclists. Crazy insane a-holes. (Really, so sorry Mama Mays [my grandmother]. Are you still reading this blog anyway?) http://jeanniecrofts.blogspot.com/search?q=bicyclists

Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that people are trading in their SUV's for a more environmentally friendly option. I love that people exchange a slice of cheesy Chicago-style pizza for a helmet and a way to get exercise. I love that this means there are fewer cars on the road.

What I don't love?

Crazy insane a-holes.

Some bicyclists act like they just got the awful news they have two weeks to live, so they'd better make the most of it. They act like they just got the stomach gurgle that let's them know they have 2.2 minutes until they have brown pants. They'll whiz by you, cut you off, even ride over a toe if you get in their way. Today I actually saw a poor women trip on the sidewalk, fall to her knees and drop all her groceries because she was trying to get out of the way of a bicyclist about to hit her. Poor woman. She got bloody knees and ruined jeans, but the bicyclist didn't even stop.

Just remember fellow Chicagoans--we all have to make room for each other in this crazy, big city. If we follow the rules of the road and show a little respect, we're all much better off (and we won't have to deal with poopy pants.)

Two-Wheeled Death Machines

In Chicago, you quickly learn a few survival skills.

1.  Cabs and city buses make sharp turns, so never have your feet out close to the curb.  You will lose a toe.
2. If a homeless person is yelling at you and calling you nasty names, realize they aren't really mad at you, it's more the world as a whole.  Don't make eye contact and walk away.
3. Don't assume just because the light tells you it's okay to walk that it actually is.  Look up, and wait for 3-4 cars to run the red light, and then you can walk.
4. Finally, always stay out of the way of bicyclists.

There are three words to describe Chicago bike riders: crazy, insane a-holes.  (Sorry Grandma.)  

My experience with riding a bike has always been a peaceful one.  Either I was riding along the banks of Sanibel Island or the bike trails of Wyoming.  You can hear the birds sing and you feel a new zest for life.  In Chicago, bike riders could care less about the birds, zest, or you.  They will whiz by going 90 miles an hour, not caring about any pedestrian, child or animal.  They will come so close to your body, they surely can smell your breath and know what you ate for breakfast.  They come so close, your arm hair flaps in the wind and your ponytail smacks them in the face.

So many times a bicyclist has come so close to me, that I jump and then yell a profanity.  Them startling me is surely taking years off of my life.

Here's the thing bicycle riders:  You chose to live in Chicago, a city of millions that you know is busy, so don't act like you can race your bike Lance Armstrong style.  Also, it would be nice if every now and again you said things like "On your left" so people don't poop themselves when you whiz by.   And know that if you hit me with your two-wheeled death machine, it's probably going to hurt you just as much when you go flying over the handlebars.