Running outside=terrifying

In keeping with my 2011 goal of doing things that scare me, I did something the other day I've never done before for fear I would majorly suck at it: I ran outside in the heat with my husband.

Okay, okay, doesn't seem scary to you? Perhaps running comes naturally to you, but to me, it doesn't. In junior high when we had to run the mile in gym class, I lied and said I had asthma. I got an inhaler and everything. Truth is, I felt like I really had asthma considering running at 6,062 miles above sea level, your chest will burn to the point you think you're going to vomit your lung. I would huff and puff around the track, until I was the very last one to finish. (Even the fat kids lapped me.) You see, I'm that weird anomaly of being skinny but totally out of shape. When I walked to classes in Laramie, Wyoming (7,165 miles above sea level, mind you) I would be so out of breath after walking there, I would have to pause at the top of the stairs before entering Psychology, for fear the other students would wonder who this deep-breathing crazy person was.

The point is, I'm not athletic, and it's taken me years to build up to running. The thought of running outside totally frightened me, because I worried all the buff runners on the Lake Michigan track would laugh and point.

Well, they don't do that, but they do lap me every chance they get.

Mike and I took an evening run around the lake recently, and it was interesting. The ol' feelings of wanting to vomit a lung certainly came back, but something else happened that was totally unexpected. My face turned bright red. Cherry red. (See picture) I could actually feel the blood in my face. I realized I will never look like that graceful light-on-the-feet runner who seems like she could go on all day: instead I turn freakishly red, I sweat up a storm and I look like a wounded animal who's moaning and groaning because the pain of the bullet stings so much.

To add insult to injury: a few days after my run, I see this picture on Facebook. It's a picture of Kim Kardashian and Heidi Klum running on the streets of New York, and of course, they look beautiful. Bitches. I read later that they did 4 miles. Seriously?? They ran 4 miles and look like that?

So apparently reaching my goal of running outside is not enough, somehow I have to figure out how to look good doing it. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.