Unkempt Jeannie

On my wedding day, I hope to be a lovely bride with my super poofy gown, my hair perfectly styled and a sparkle in my eye. I'm sure Mike will be impressed, considering in these days leading up to the event, I'm a super hot mess.

No one ever warns you that you'll look hideous before your nuptials. That's because you're saving all your typical beauty rituals to right before the big day, often neglecting what really needs to be done now.

That means my eyebrows are overtaking my face in a Frida-kinda way. I need a good waxing as much as the Bachelorette needs to get canceled. It's bad.

I'm also paler than I've ever been. The girl who gives me spray tans at home wants me to be super exfoliated, so I can't even put on my typical self-tanner on my legs. I'm now the whitest person in Chicago, and too embarrassed to wear shorts or skirts.

My toenails needed a pedicure like a week ago. I had to paint at work, so my tangerine colored toenails now have splashes of of white paint on them. I call the color tangerine-trashy.

My fingernails are uneven and broken.

My roots are growing in and my hair is stringy.

I have a zit on my chin that needs a good Oxygen Facial.

I'm just hoping this "Unkempt" Jeannie doesn't lead Mike to standing me up, because that my friends, would be awkward.

Lean on me...

The last time I prepared for a tornado was in the 6th grade. It was Jessup Elementary School in Cheyenne, Wyoming, around 1990. All of us kids were shuttled into the hallways, and told to bring our biggest book (usually Social Studies) with us. We'd squat in the hallway and put the books over our heads to practice a tornado drill. We all felt rest assured that flying debris and glass would certainly bounce off of a 12-year old's school book.

Fast forward to June 23, 2010, and a tornado warning was in effect for Chicago, Illinois. Suddenly I'm 32, without a Social Studies book, and not a clue what to do when all the tornado sirens are going off in the city. Check out the video...it's kinda creepy.

Of course, I turned on the TV to find out what was going on, and surprise, surprise, DISH network didn't have a signal. (See earlier posts.) The Internet wasn't yet updated, and I was freaking out. Should I evacuate? Should I pack up the dogs and hide in the closet?

I did the only thing I know what to do--I posted a message on Facebook and Tweeted that I was scared. Suddenly, two of my friends and former meteorologist co-workers e-mailed/texted me back. Detroit's favorite meteorologist, Sean Ash, told me not to worry--the line of storms was clearing out. Peoria's favorite meteorologist, Jeff Desnoyers, texted me, asking if I was okay. How cool is that? I had people living in other cities, telling me I was going to be A-OK.

Here's the thing--you can't always count on technology to help you out, but you can always count on your friends.

Have you Skyped today?

I may have just found the coolest technology yet! Have you heard of Skype? It's this free service that allows you to see and speak with people over the Internet. Oprah and newscasters use it, but until yesterday, I had no idea that we could use it.

With our new MacBook Pro computer, (seriously the best) we have a camera and a microphone already built in. I downloaded Skype (for free) from www.skype.com, and voila, we were Skyping!

Mike's brother, Jason, and his wife, Cara, are Skypers. Last night, we all got on, and Mike and I were able to see our brand new baby nephew, Garrett, for the first time! Isn't that neat? Garrett was born in early June and we hadn't seen him yet. Come to find out--Mike's mom who admits she is computer illiterate--uses Skype to see her grandchildren, so you can tell it's easy to use.

I only wish Mike and I had this during the 4 long years we lived in different states. Although, I guess I would have needed to ditch the curlers and blue face mask (and the other boyfriend.)

Just Tweet back already!

Have you ever had someone call/e-mail/text/tweet you with a question, or just wanting to chat, and you opt to not call/e-mail/text/tweet them back? If so, then you're a punk. Ouch, I know, but this drives me nuts! It's almost as aggravating as the Chicago tourists taking up more than their fair share of the sidewalk.

Two cases in point: I needed to make a hair appointment for the wedding, so I called a woman who comes highly recommended. I told her so in the voicemail I left. I asked her to call me back ASAP, to let me know if she was available to style my hair.

She never called back.

3 days later, I tried again. No answer. Come to find out (not from her though!), she's busy that day and can't do my hair. So I just wasted 3 valuable wedding planning days NOT hearing back from her.

Second instance: a girlfriend sent me a text that one of her friends had 2 extra tickets to the Cubs game, and she asked if I'd wanted them. I said absolutely! So I called the friend of a friend and left a message, saying I was interested. This was Thursday.

On Saturday, I still assumed we were going, until I finally texted my friend, and she told me her friend gave the tickets to someone else.

Thanks for letting me know.

Seriously people, it's a common courtesy to call/e-mail/text/tweet someone back when they're trying to get in touch. Even if you don't have time to chat, just send them a quick text that you'll get back to them as soon as you can. We have so much technology now, there's really no excuse.

Germs? Stay away!

Wow, just 12 days away from the wedding, can you believe it? I know I keep talking about it, but that's the luxury of having your own blog. You can talk about yourself as much as you want, and talking about me is my favorite kind of conversation! (I hope by now you know when I'm joking, which is almost always.)

In my waiting for 32 years for this magical moment, I've put a lot of pressure on this day. I want the perfect hairstyle, flawless skin, and my latest worry? Being healthy!

At work the other day, I was checking out a girl (By that I mean working, not creeping), and she was coughing all over the place. Seriously people, how did you not learn to cover your mouth? When she left, I immediately ran to the bathroom and washed my hands. A couple of girls at work have recently had the stomach flu, so I keep a good 50 feet away from them. At night, I drink "Emergen-C", the powder you put in your water and it gives you tons of Vitamin C. Living in a city is tough though, because everyday, you walk past sick people.

So, if I see you on the street and I don't shake your hand or kiss your cheek, you know why. Either I don't like you, or I think you might have a runny nose. See me after July 3rd, and I'll be much friendlier.

A little friendly advice...

I'm going to give you some Cesar Millan advice, and I won't even charge you $24.95 to read my book. When we moved to Chicago, I told you I was super nervous about how the dogs would react around other dogs. That's because Bailey started her life hidden inside the Tri-Delta house in Laramie, Wyoming, so she missed that crucial socialization. Buckeye started his life in practically a retirement community in Fort Myers, Florida, so he also never socialized. (And he still likes to eat dinner at 4 p.m.--weird)

Fast forward to 2009, when we moved to a dog community, on a dog floor, in a dog-loving city. At first, the dogs tried to attack every Puggle, Yorkie, Retriever and Pit Bull in sight. I was humiliated, because they are my children, and I feel responsible.

Now fast forward about 9 months, and they are completely different dogs. Today on our walk, they smelled nearly 10 dogs, and didn't snarl or try and attack a single one. Me? I'm a proud mama.

Here's the thing: dogs sense your energy. (This is the Cesar Millan part. Actually, I changed my mind--please type in your credit card info before continuing.) If you are tense, and pull back on their lease when another dog approaches, your dog thinks something is wrong, so they get aggressive. If you just let loose on their leash and let them smell other dogs, then don't feel your tension, and they just smell the other dog's butt. (Can you imagine if we greeted people that way? A little less hand-shaking, and a lot more smelling.)

Now that I've calmed down, the dogs have too. I have to thank my 3 favorite gentleman for that: Jose Cuervo, Jim Beam and Jack Daniels.

My favorite store!

Phew! Sorry for the later-than-usual post, but I left for Target 9 hours ago, and just got back! Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad, but running errands in a city is a lot of work. The strange thing is people always say how nice it is living in a city because of all the amenities. True, I can get a taco at 4 a.m., but I'm going to have to find a cab to take me there, pay a high cab fare and still wait in line once I arrive.

We only use my car about once a month because it's a mile away. So today, when I decided it was time for my monthly Target run, I walked the mile to get the car. When I got to the parking garage, I then walked about another 1/2 mile to find it. (Just like they say 30 is the new 20, apparently "Level 4 is the new Level 2" when Mike swears he knows exactly where he last left it.)

I then drive amongst the crazy cabbies and super crazy tour bus operators to get to the South Loop. I get sweaty 'pits (hence the blog name) because I learned how to drive a car in Cheyenne, Wyoming and not Manhattan.

When I get to Target, I proceed to buy $355 worth of stuff, because I'm hoping I won't have to go back for another 6 months. We now have enough toilet paper to soak up the BP Oil Spill.

I checkout, which takes forever because my cashier has 6-inch fake purple fingernails, and I'm sure she doesn't want to ruin her mani.

I drive back, double park in front of our building, and reserve a cart from our doorman because I can't carry 7 large bottles of laundry detergent up 31 flights.

I schlep it upstairs, and get ready to unload it. I'm greeted by a man's voice in the apartment--and it's not Mike. Nope, it's our repairman, Dario, replacing our furnace filter. The dogs are so scared by this intruder, they are sleeping in the sun. I kick my underwear under the bed, hoping Dario hasn't already seen them.

I take the cart downstairs, and drive back to the parking garage-- dodging pedestrians and potholes the whole way.

I park. (Level 2, honey)

I then walk a mile back home. I'm finished, and it only took 2 hours and some change.

Hmm, living in a city is fun, but man it takes a lot of work to get TP. Perhaps I'll make this a "One-sheet per use household."