Unkempt Jeannie

On my wedding day, I hope to be a lovely bride with my super poofy gown, my hair perfectly styled and a sparkle in my eye. I'm sure Mike will be impressed, considering in these days leading up to the event, I'm a super hot mess.

No one ever warns you that you'll look hideous before your nuptials. That's because you're saving all your typical beauty rituals to right before the big day, often neglecting what really needs to be done now.

That means my eyebrows are overtaking my face in a Frida-kinda way. I need a good waxing as much as the Bachelorette needs to get canceled. It's bad.

I'm also paler than I've ever been. The girl who gives me spray tans at home wants me to be super exfoliated, so I can't even put on my typical self-tanner on my legs. I'm now the whitest person in Chicago, and too embarrassed to wear shorts or skirts.

My toenails needed a pedicure like a week ago. I had to paint at work, so my tangerine colored toenails now have splashes of of white paint on them. I call the color tangerine-trashy.

My fingernails are uneven and broken.

My roots are growing in and my hair is stringy.

I have a zit on my chin that needs a good Oxygen Facial.

I'm just hoping this "Unkempt" Jeannie doesn't lead Mike to standing me up, because that my friends, would be awkward.