I'm starting to have really terrible thoughts. I was just working out, and I had a vision as clear as day that when I walk down the aisle in 2 1/2 weeks, I trip on my big, flowing gown and fall. In my vision, I was too embarrassed to continue with the ceremony, I cried, and ran away.
Yep folks, these are the thoughts that cross a soon-to-be bride's mind. Other pleasant thoughts? I have a huge zit on my chin, Mike decides to bail and stands me up, or it rains that day (our ceremony is outside.) Every night I dream that I don't have any make-up on or my hair done, and I hear the music start that is my cue to go. Even more terrifying is thinking about Mike seeing me without make-up on when I walk down the aisle. He would surely bail then.
It's so weird being in this uncharted territory. I can't imagine doing this at 22, like so many people do. I would have been an emotional hot mess. (Plus, the guy I was dating at 22 dropped out of college and now sells drugs. So life too would be a hot mess.)
When I tell people how close to the wedding we are, they exclaim, "Oh my gosh, how exciting!" I exclaim back, "Oh my gosh, not exciting, just scary!" They laugh, not realizing I'm serious.
My name's Jeannie, and I'm a spray tan-aholic. A few weeks ago, I told you about this super cool discovery I made that I can get a spray tan done at home. A darling girl, Riane from Glamourgirltan.com, comes to my apartment with all the best equipment, and a cool little tent I stand in so the spray doesn't go everywhere. With tons of bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and weddings this summer, I use Riane nearly every week.
Since we're only 2 1/2 weeks out from the wedding (yikes!), Rianne has cut me off. She wants the spray tan I get before I leave to be perfect, so she wants me to completely exfoliate. This picture shows what I look like after a spray tan. Not only am I darker, my makeup looks better and somehow I have great hair days. People are friendlier, the sky is bluer, and I look thinner.
Now that my tan is gone, I'm cranky, heavier looking, people are rude, and one of the dogs has diarrhea. It's amazing what problems paleness creates.
I'm counting down the days until I get hitched, not so I can spend the rest of my life with Mike, (yes, that will be nice too) but so that I can have my Kim Kardashian color back. I miss it so.
Have you ever seen a Sidewinder snake on the Discovery Channel? They are these creepy, slimy things that move all over the place to get to their destination. Their path is unpredcitable. Another name for Sidewinders? Chicago tourists.
The city is packed right now. There are tourists everywhere. You see them on tour busses, tour boats and walking everywhere. They don't know where they are going, and they take their sweet time getting there. This coupled with the fact that every restaurant has opened their sidewalk cafes, means there is little to no room to walk.
Enter in the Sidewinder tourists. They are people who are unaware of their surroundings and like to look at the big, shiny things nearly touching the sky, (a.k.a skyskrapers.) In their maneavering, the Sidewidners stumble all over the sidewalk like a bunch of college students after a long night at their local pub.
These tourists remind me of Sidewinders, because you get behind one and think you can easily pass on the left. As you begin to pass, they slide over to the left, blocking you and nearly stepping on your new pedi. Then you try and pass on the right, and voila! There they are again. You can almost hear a commentator with an English accent saying, "And here is Jeannie, a homosapien trying to make her way to work...when out of the blue, a Sidewinder tourist is blocking her path. The homosapien looks as if she might attack..."
I don't know what's worse: getting behind a Sidewinder with a big sunhat, map and a camera, or walking outside alone because it's 10 below zero. I'll let you know in August.
I'll admit it, ratings-popular shows like The Bachelor and Dancing with the Stars squeeze out every ounce of the show, often making them way longer than needed. During ratings periods, Dancing with the Stars is on two nights a week, when it should only be one. I've gotten much more savvy though, so now I record the show and fast forward through the recaps, interviews with the "stars", and the awkward time fillers such as a behind the scenes look. I've even taken charge of my life by not watching the Bachelorette this season! I watched one episode and saw one of the contestants crying because he was really nervous about doing a kissing scene with Ali, the Bachelorette. Seeing a man cry over something lame like that, is in my opinion, unwatchable. If I wanted a pansy, well let's just say, I would still be with any of my ex-boyfriends.
Mike teases me about my love for drawn-out shows, however, have you thought about how much time is spent on sports??? The other night we were flipping through channels, and we shot past an NBA game. Mike said, "Man, the [Cleveland] Cavs should still be in that." What? That was months ago!! Sure enough, the NBA finals started around April 17th, and are still going on! Mike explained that 8 teams from the Eastern Conference and 8 teams from the Western Conference play each other. The teams have to win in a best of 7 series. 7!! Who has time for that??
He also told me that qualifying for the World Cup, which is going on now, started about 3 years ago, and now it's down to the final 32 teams. 3 years!
Sure, it would make sense for the Bachelor to take 3 years to decide on a future wife, but choosing in a few weeks makes it much more fun!
So whatever your guilty pleasure is-- either a dating reality show involving pansies and roses (and by pansies, I don't mean the flower) or big men sweating and running up and down a court, I say enjoy it! (And invest in Tevo, so you can fast forward through commercials and/or rewind so you can re-watch an awkward moment and suddenly feel much better about your own life.)
When did activating your credit card become such a hassle? I remember the days of calling the 1-800 number from my house phone, using an automated system to enter the last 4 digits of my social, and then my credit card was activated with zero human interaction--my favorite.
Now, the past several times I've called, I get a live person who tells me "Why we're waiting for your card to activate, let me tell you about a special plan we're offering for you." They go on to try and sell me a plan that helps me if I lose my job and can no longer afford to pay my credit cards. For a low monthly premium, I'll have that extra insurance.
Guess what people? I've been either underemployed or unemployed for nearly a year, and I've never missed a credit card payment. Hmm, maybe since I'm only working about 20 hours a week at a clothing store, I'll hold off on buying that speedboat I've always dreamed of. I guess many Americans don't have such self-control, hence why we're in this whole recession anyway.
On top of that, I know they're lying when they say "While we're waiting" because it's an automatic activation. Today I also had to listen to a perky girl tell me what a beautfiful day it is. Sure honey, I'm an optimistic person too, but you're clearly not in Chicago where it's in the Mid-60's, windy and raining.
The good news in all this? An underemployed person can apparently get approved for a card with a $13,5000 limit. Holla!
If you've ever thought, "Hmm, maybe I should get rid of cable and go for Satellite TV," run FAR, FAR, AWAY!! Take a look at this video! This is what you're going to get with DISH.
This morning, I needed to watch the news because the huge Blackhawks rally is going on, and much of the Loop is closed down. I have to go to work at 12:00 p.m., but I probably need to leave at 11:00 a.m. for what would normally be a 10-minute walk. So, I'm trying to watch the traffic report, and this is what I'm seeing. Video that's cutting in and out, digitizing, and not working.
This happens a lot.
When Mike and I moved in, we didn't have a choice, and had to get DISH network. Sure, it's nice having hundreds of channels, but if the sun is shining too much, the wind is blowing, or the dish in space is having a bad day, we don't get a signal.
When Mike tried to watch the Lost finale, we didn't have a signal.
When John Edwards' baby mama was on Oprah and I really wanted to watch, we didn't have a signal.
And when Brooke Burke was dishing how she got the hosting gig on Dancing with the Stars (potentially giving me great ideas), we didn't have a signal.
Dear DISH Network,
It's 2010, we've had men walk on the moon, we've discovered cures for all sorts of diseases, and we've even have 10-year-olds graduate from Harvard. Surely you should be able to figure out how not to suck.
Oh lordy, I'm tired today thanks to the fireworks going off in our neighborhood last night, cars honking, and some idiot on the 45th floor who insisted on yelling, "WhooHoo!" from his balcony every 4-5 minutes for hours.
Yep, the Chicago Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup last night in a nail-biting game. Of course, it wasn't nail-biting for me considering I was rooting for the wrong team the whole first half of the game because I thought we had the "reddish-orange jerseys." (We were in White)
This is exciting for the city because the Hawks haven't won a Stanley Cup in about 4 decades, so for the WhooHoo boy, he wasn't even born the last time they won.
Last night after my birthday dinner, Mike wanted to go to Lincoln Park to watch the ending of the game. Thank goodness my feet were killing me and we didn't go, because the crowds were insane! If my birthday had ended with me getting trampled and/or shot with a rubber bullet by officers controlling the crowd, I wouldn't have been happy.
Now I've got to figure out how to get to work tomorrow, because I live and work smack dab in the parade route for the celebration, and I'm guessing people will starting lining up at the crack of dawn.
Congrats Blackhawks, you certainly deserve it! To WhooHoo boy, let me guess... you're single.
