She's a maneater!

"Whoa oh, here she comes! Watch out boy, she'll chew you up! Whoa oh here she comes, she's a maneater!"

For my birthday, Mike bought us tickets to go see Hall & Oates last night at the Chicago theater. (Sorry for the crappy pic, I was apparently the only one who followed the "no camera" rule and used my cell phone.)

Anyway, it was so much fun! We totally rocked out and had great seats! In fact, the drunk girl in front of us enjoyed our dance moves so much, she totally bought us a round of drinks.

Here's the thing: I totally love 80's music and movies, more than any other era. I'm sure a psychologist would tell you it's because it takes me back to a time with no bills, unemployment worries or really any responsibility. I say it's because I love the rockin' sounds of a "Keytar." (You know, those cool 80's instruments that looked like a guitar, but had a keyboard on them.)

Unfortunately, when you love a famous person or group for 20 + years, there's bound to be some disappointment when you finally see them. My disappointment came last night after realizing Daryl Hall is a total douche bag. First of all, the whole night he swung his long blonde locks in the wind, yet the venue was inside, so he totally had a fan blowing on him! Not sexy Daryl.

Also, all night he was motioning for the crew backstage to either turn it up, or turn it down. (I'm assuming the base), which was silly, because they sounded great. Then when a crew member came out to try and fix his microphone which was slipping down, Daryl swatted at him like he was a fly. Not cool Daryl.

On the other hand, John Oates seemed totally cool, and ignored Daryl's 'tude.

Sure Daryl, you were a big deal in 1983, but I know if I showed your picture to anyone under 25, they wouldn't know who the heck you are.




What's with the 'tude?

I love CVS. Sometimes I go to the one in our neighborhood, and just walk up and down the aisles, looking at every new face cream and nail polish color. CVS now fulfills what Target used to do for me, when Target was easier for me to get to. Often when I go to CVS I go in to buy gum, but come out with $75 worth of hair care products.

There is one thing, however, that drives me nuts about CVS--their love for plastic bags. I've told you before this is a huge pet peeve of mine. The other night, Mike and I went in for ice cream, and I got caught without my clothe bags. So the worker not only put our ice cream in a plastic bag, he started double bagging it! Mike and I both said at the same time, "Oh no, we don't need a second bag!", to which the worker gave us a glare, and double bagged it anyway.

What's with the 'tude?

The other day I remembered to bring my clothe bag in to CVS, and "Waymon" told me I had to bag my own toiletries if I brought my own bag. Yep, he handed each item to me so I could put it in the bag. Really, Waymon? Is that company policy? I don't think so! I want to yell, "I'm just saving the planet for your dysfunctional children, so quit with the attitude!

When I go to the grocery, I notice some workers seem to really take their time bagging my stuff, because they seem annoyed.

Guess what, people? Your attitude only makes my convictions stronger, so get ready to see more clothe bags! I'm starting a revolution!

Please join me to annoy store clerks nationwide! I'm hoping pretty soon clothe bags will be the norm, and people wanting plastic will be the ones getting glared at.




Are men faking it?

Okay, so I've only been married about 3 weeks, but I've totally just uncovered a man's secret! When asked to do something they really don't want to do, they screw it up so they don't have to do it anymore!

I just started writing wedding thank-you notes, and I was trying to calculate how long it would take for me to finish if I do 5 a day. Considering we have really great friends and family, I'm estimating 2 years. I remember my sister-in-law saying she gave Mike's brother a big stack of them to do himself, so they split it up. Here's the problem with Mike doing them: his handwriting looks like an 8-year old serial killer's! He admits it's terrible, and says he'd be embarrassed to have our relatives see it. But, is he just making it terrible to get out of this??

When I had him do his own laundry, he always left something in the pockets, so we now have gum melted onto the side of our dryer. Therefore, I now always do the laundry.

He always "forgets" to take the recycling down to the 1st floor, so I do it.

He takes the stance that "I don't do poo, because it makes me sick," so he doesn't have to clean up after the dogs. Maybe it doesn't make him sick after all, that's just a convenient excuse!

Don't get me wrong, Mike does plenty around the house, but doesn't it make you wonder if they just play dumb sometimes to get out of Honey-do's?

Hmm...what does the man in your life get away with???




Resume girl

Do you ever encounter people who just have to outdo you? For example, if you say your child walked at one year old, they tell you theirs walked at 6 months. If you say you got a raise at work, they've gotten 2. Annoying, right?

Today I was talking to a girl who lives in my 'hood, who always seems to outdo me. I told her that when I went to look at the Transformers 3 movie set on Wacker and Michigan, a rent-a-cop told me to "move along." I wasn't trying to pass through the barricades or anything, I guess I just look like a Josh Duhamel stalker, and he was worried about me running in yelling, "Josh, I love you!" Well, the girl in my 'hood, who I'll refer to as "Jill", said when she walked by the set with her dog, not only did they let her

go past the barricades, but they allowed her to sit inside some of the military tankers. Oh yeah, and they let her dog go inside too.

Really?

When I told "Jill" a few months ago I was shocked by how high our parking fee is here, (about $200 a month to park in the garage), she informed with a smile that she gets her parking for free. Apparently she befriended our maintenance crew.

Here are some other outdo's:

If my friends park nearby, they pay $10 an hour. "Jill's" friends pay $2.

When I told her I was excited about getting into our pool Memorial Day weekend, apparently "Jill" got in in April.

I was telling Mike this today at lunch, and he said, "Oh yeah, that's a resume girl."

"What?" I asked.

"Yep, there are girls who spout off their resumes as soon as you meet them. It's to impress people."

We went on to discuss how many men do the same thing, and how we're guessing the info is usually not true. I also found out that (thankfully!) Mike said I wasn't a "resume girl" when I met him. Phew!

I bet you're smiling right now, thinking of a "resume girl or guy" in your life. They're annoying, aren't they?

(By the way-I have to give credit to my friend Diana O. who captured this awesome pic of actor Josh Duhamel. He greeted fans a few days ago. I totally wanted to take credit for it, but then, well, I'd be exactly what I'm blogging about.)




The Name Game

When I was watching the news last night, I was getting so confused watching the coverage of the Rod Blagojevich trial. If you're unfamiliar, he was the governor of this great state of Illinois, until he got caught trying to sell the Senate seat vacated by the now President, Barack Obama. Yep, sell it. He was allegedly willing to have anyone represent this state, as long as they paid enough. So now he's in federal court, and if (when) convicted, will spend a lot of years in prison. (By the way--there are 3 other Illinois governors who are/were serving prison terms for things like corruption. This state is dirtier than preschoolers on fudgesicle day.)

Anyway, when I was watching the coverage of the "Blago" trial, they mentioned Rod's brother, Rob, who took the stand yesterday. They kept saying things like, "Rob say Rod is..." or "Rod and Rob were not close..." How confusing is that? Their parents actually thought it was a good idea to name one son Rob and the other Rod, and they aren't even twins. (I'm sure it's actually Robert and Rodney, but still, they didn't think of what their nicknames would be?? Parents always need to think of that, plus what their child's name will rhyme with. Apparently Barb and Kip didn't think of Jeannie rhyming with "Weenie" or "Meanie." Thanks a lot, guys.)

I've never been a fan of siblings with close names. If I'm a twin, I'm already sharing the same facial features and probably the same bedroom with my sib. I sure as heck don't want to be "Hailey" and "Bailey" or "Chloe" and "Zoe". People would never get your name right.

(By the way--I haven't had coffee yet, so my brain isn't fully functioning. So I cheated a little, and googled "Girl's names that rhyme." You know what else popped up when I typed that? "Girl's names that rhyme with Chuck." So weird! Who googles that??)




Mike has ruined me

Mike has ruined me. Harsh words from a newlywed, I know, but let me explain.

He has ruined me from ever wanting to eat leftovers. I used to love warming up my pot roast or ham casserole, but now the thought of doing so reminds me of being constipated at Disney World. Another words, it just doesn't sound like fun.

Mike hates leftovers, and even more so, any leftover food warmed in a microwave. He says he can taste the radiation. True, that's weird unless he has the most sensitive taste buds ever, but I'm starting to agree with him.

So now on leftover night, I shoot him a text message about 4 p.m., warning of his potential fate, unless he picks up his own dinner. His usual standby is a chicken burrito from Chipolte. Here's the problem: every time he brings his burrito home, I find myself lusting after his food, and super mad that I'm having 1 or 2-day old food. (By the way-If you've never had Chipolte, run, don't walk to your nearest one. The flavor is like a party in your mouth.)

So tonight, I texted him, warning him of the impending doom with leftover roast and potatoes. He texted back, saying, "Perhaps I'll pick up Chipolte."

I thought for a minute and sent back this text, "Shoot, that sounds good. Will you pick me up a steak burrito too with a little bit of sour cream?"

He texted back, "But who's going to eat leftovers?"

I texted back, "Not it!"

So that, my friends, is why I've been ruined. I may never want leftovers again. Maybe that's why we need kids....they can help clean out the fridge!




Perhaps the weirdest book out there

For one of my Bachelorette parties, I got this book called "101 Ways To Torture Your Husband." I expected it to be a light-hearted book about how to playfully joke with, or tease your hubbie. I left it on our ottoman, and when Mike picked it up and read some of it, he was shocked. He asked me, "What is this crap you're reading?." I said it was no big deal, but when I started reading it, I too, was disturbed.

The author offers up seriously awful ways to indeed torture your husband. I'm not quite sure how she doesn't get sued and/or a ton of hate mail. Considering I once got an e-mail from a woman who said she hated my brown sweater so much, she now considered me kind of "trashy". (Keep in mind it was from Target and really conservative. Weird.)

Here are some suggestions in this book...

(Beware, what you're about to read is disturbing)

* "Lose" His Dog- The author, Maria Garcia Kalb, suggests you call your hubby, and in a panicked voice say, "Oh my god! The dog ran away when I opened the door, and I can't find him anywhere!" She says after he flips out, you can let him in the joke, and laugh about it. (Weird, and not at all funny to me. You?)

* "Flirt With His Friends"- The author says this is a great punishment for any "jealous" fella, but should probably be reserved as payback for something he did, like hitting on one of your friends. She even breaks it down into steps, like you should first decide which of your husband's friends is the hottest. (I don't think Mike would be impressed, and that might cause us to have the shortest marriage on record. Not counting Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman, of course.)

* "Threaten to 'get him' in his sleep"- The author thinks the ball will definitely be in your court if you play mind games with your husband, such as saying, "Just wait until you fall asleep; you have no idea what I could do to you." She advises to scare the bejesus out of him and tell him you're going to get him after he drifts off. (Considering I watch every crime show, Forensic File and CSI, this would really scare Mike.) The author does includes little side notes about real-life warnings about crimes involving these scenarios. Apparently a Florida woman is locked up because she poured hot grease on her sleeping husband. Ouch.

* "Have lunch with your ex"- Kalb says a surefire way of torturing your husband is eating with your ex-boyfriend because it will make your husband "crazier than Mel Gibson on a bender." The author admits she keeps a couple of exes around, not because she likes them, she says they actually repulse her, but she feels like it's good ammunition.

* "Nair His Hair"-Kalb recommends you "pounce" when your hubbie is asleep, applying hair removal products "liberally" to his face, legs, arms, chest, or wherever is hair is present.

Okay, okay, so you get the idea. There are 96 other suggestions in this book, which I think should be re-named, "101 Ways to Get Divorced Quickly, Threatened Often and Arrested Too."