Monday, June 28, 2010
Men: Do you fit into one of these categories?
Going to the gym is an interesting experience. It's full of men trying to impress and hit on women who just want to work out while watching Oprah. The gym I went to in Fort Myers had a women's section with no men allowed, and it was fabulous. I knew I wasn't getting checked out while sweating on the treadmill.
I've come to realize there are 3 types of men that always exist at the gym...1) Mr. Stinky, 2) Mr. Show-off, and 3) Mr. Moaner. Sometimes men fit into more than one of these categories. Here is what I'd like to say to these men...
Dear Mr. Stinky,
Wow, you are the worst thing I've ever smelled, and I've even been to Europe! Your B.O. hit my nostrils like a freight train as soon as I walked in the door. If you find it strange that I kept smelling myself, it's because I was praying if I smelled my arm long enough, I'd smell less of you. I'm sure you were thinking, "I'll just shower after I'm done working out." Next time, shower before and after, because it's hard for me to run when I'm throwing up a little in my mouth. Thank you.
Dear Mr. Show-Off,
Our gym is air-conditioned, so I'm pretty sure it's not necessary for you to take off your shirt. Plus, here's the thing--if someone told you women really go for a hairy, pudgy belly, they were lying to you. You clearly hit your peak 20-years, and 20 6-packs ago, so please leave your shirt on.
Dear Mr. Moaner,
I know working out is tough sometimes, but if you're lifting something so heavy all you can do is scream and moan, it's too heavy. If I can hear your moaning over my I-Pod and the sound of 6 flat-screen TV's on various sports/news programs, you're being too loud. Sorry to break it to you...women aren't impressed, so only lift weights that don't make your veins pop out. Save those noises for....well, actually, never make those noises because you sound like a douche. Thank you.