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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Crazy Things People Try to Bring on Airplanes

I had to laugh at a friend's Facebook post today, describing what he overheard at airport security. This is what he heard a man saying, "Oh no, they're calling my flight....look, I know what you're looking for. I hid a bottle of ketchup in my shoe." (A shoe packed in his carry-on) "Oh no, why did I pack that?"

You seriously can't make this stuff up.  But I feel your pain buddy. It's important to bring your own ketchup, because you know how bland airplane food can be. Oh wait, we haven't been given anything other than pretzels or peanuts in about two decades, so dude...WHAT were you thinking???

It reminded me of an odd experience I had waiting to board a plane in Southwest Florida. The worker at the counter called a man over and said, "Mr. Jones, I understand our workers found fertilizer in your checked bag. You can't bring fertilizer onto an airplane."

I'm pretty sure my two-old nephew knows that, Mr. Jones.

So this got me thinking, how many dumb people are out there? More specifically, what crazy things have people tried to bring on a plane? Here's what I found...

* A woman flying from Thailand to the U.S. strapped a sedated rhesus monkey to her belly, and had even gotten through customs at LAX before her arrest. Apparently she got caught because she had bragged to an acquaintance about her "monkey suit."  (Oh, us women....we have to share everything, don't we?)

* A Barbados man flew to the U.S. with 100 vials of clear liquid he insisted was "Holy Water" that he wanted for special healing powers. Turns out the Jesus juice was actually the hallucinogen "Special K,"
which can be used as a date-rape drug. I guess the man will have to resort to praying for a woman to sleep with him, instead of drugging one.

* Snakes on a plane, well almost. A Malaysian man was trying to smuggle so many boa constrictor snakes onto a flight, 95 to be exact, that his bag busted open on the conveyor belt. Can you imagine the chaos that created? Most women I know go running and screaming when they see a spider.

* Finally, my favorite story. Two German women heading from Berlin to the UK were caught trying to bring a corpse onto a plane! Apparently the man was the husband and step-father of the ladies, and had died an estimated 12 hours previously. The women put him in a wheel chair, slapped on a hat and sunglasses "Weekend at Bernie's" style, and tried to board. An airline worker wanting to know why the man wasn't moving took his pulse, and well, the women were arrested from there. The alleged motive--the women didn't want to pay high repatriation fees to transport the body. (I wonder if this man was able to dance in a conga line and host raging parties like Bernie?)


1 comment:

  1. Hilarious...put a hat on the dead man. They should have said they gave him ambien and klonopin for fear of flying anxiety. Then perhaps they wouldn't have checked his pulse.