Top Reasons I Could Never Be On The Bachelor

What do you get when you add one very attractive man, 30 crazy women competing for that man and TV cameras? Really entertaining television.

I've been hooked on The Bachelor for years. When I worked in television news, I even got to interview Season's 2 Bachelor, Aaron Buerge and his choice, Helene Eksterowicz. I felt like such a snot when I asked, "Aaron, do you think Helene is the "one" or just the best choice out of the 30 women?"  Ouch. Hopefully I didn't lead to their eventual break-up.

This season, super hunky Brad Womack, is getting a 2nd chance at love.  Three years ago he was The Bachelor, and ended up being the only one in history to reject both woman. (One was actually named Jenni Croft...weird, huh?)

Now Brad's back, and has decent choices for women. One of the two prettiest (in my opinion) is Michelle, who kept complaining last night that it was her birthday, and she didn't want to be there. Mike, who detests the show, shouted out, "She's the worst! She's such a wet blanket!" I agree.

Have you noticed this show has gotten more ridiculous over the years? Women are going further and further to get the Bachelor's attention and a little camera time. Some of my favs over the years? The woman who did a cartwheel in her evening gown, this year's girl who wears Vampire fangs, and all of the girls who immediately start crying.

When I watch, I realize I'm SO glad I'm married and don't have to be on this show. I'd go nuts!  Here are the top seven reasons I could never be on The Bachelor...

1. If a man told me "His heart cries when he sees me hurt" or  that "He's not looking for the most beautiful girl, he's looking for the most beautiful heart," (Yes, Jake Pavelka, I'm talking about you) I'd probably kick him in the shins and demand he hand over his man card.  What a pansy!
2. I could never come out of the limo doing high kicks, cartwheels or any other ridiculous thing to get a man's attention. (I prefer somersaults. Being closer to the ground is much safer.)
3. I'm not kissing a man 5 minutes after he kissed another girl.  That's just gross, and a sure-fire way to spread herpes.
4. Sure, I had a feeling Mike was the one after our first date, but I kept that information to myself for oh, about 3 years, not two dates. In real life, those kind of love admissions get you dumped, not another rose.
5. I'd feel ridiculous having a camera crew filming me taking a shower with a bikini on. I'd probably laugh the whole time, and insist they not show my "backside"
6. Every time Chris Harrison comes out and says "Ladies, Brad...this is the final rose tonight", I'd end up yelling, "No s*** Chris, we can count too!"
7. And finally, when the producers wanted me to talk about my feelings after one date with Brad, I'd have a hard time saying "I think he's the one, he makes my heart smile!"  Instead, I'd be more likely to say, "Well, he's hot, and I hear he has money, so there's potential here."